A Successful Couple Requires The Effort Of BOTH Partners


A couple is greater than the sum of its individual parts.

If you think you need to find the right person to be happy, you are likely headed down a dead-end. That “right person” is surely going to disappoint you in some way if not now, in the near future.  What is really needed is for two people to form the right relationship.

When the two individuals come together, they create something unique—a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts. When a match and gasoline are brought together, an explosion is created; it is not just the match, or the fuel, it is their interaction that creates the explosion.

In a couple, this has been called by sociologist Steve Nock, “the power of three”: you, me and the relationship.

We call this energy “Couple Power” and the entity that is created “Couplemore a way of being than an object to have or acquire.

With Couple Power, you don’t get into a relationship just to meet your own needs but actually to create something that didn’t exist before.  Not only do you expand as an individual, you grow as Couple.  It’s not just “me” but “we” that operates. 

This way of being couple helps overcome what is perhaps the most challenging obstacle that couples currently face: the pervasive notion of living “for yourself”—getting your own needs met and not having to give up your individuality to the relationship.

Of course, you need to take care of yourself, but this does not mean you cannot take care of your relationship as well. A powerful couple sets about to live a life together that is profoundly satisfying for both partners. 

If one partner is not happy, Couple is not happy. You may think that happy people make happy couples, but consider that the reverse may also be true—that happy couples make happy people. So, to enhance your relationship, work on yourself, but focus on working on Couple as well. 

The power needed to overcome obstacles in your life is in the entity Couple that you are together. Working in this way, you can be part of a global shift from individualism to “couplism”, from “me-ness” to “we-ness”, where you look at yourself, your partner and the world through the eyes of relationship. 

You will soon notice that life becomes easier and more joyful with this worldview of Couple.

More content on this view of Couple as an entity can be found in our book Lifelong Love: 4 Steps to Creating and Maintaining an Extraordinary Relationship (Harlequin, 2012). 

We have been married, treating, presenting and writing about couples for nearly 40 years, and have found that there is more joy possible in relationships than most people have ever imagined. Stop and think about that!

Discover how to create “We-ness” in your relationship by contacting Phyllis and Peter through their website.

Explore YourTango