Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

DEER Technique


DEER Technique: The Daily Exciting Erotic Reminder Technique (think Hart not Bambi)

Okay, I love to make up acronyms!  It made me realize how important daily rituals or repeated activities really are in emphasizing the things that make our lives work for us, sexually or otherwise.

The DEER technique is a way to let you remember, day by day, to keep the channel open for your erotic side. Here’s how to do it: Each AM when you wake up, have a post-it pad by your bed, with a pen or pencil. Or use your new ewatch or other e device to keep track and plan. Write down one erotic thought. For example, you might write, “I am going to masturbate before I go to work today.” Or “I am seeing my girlfriend on Friday and I want to stroke her breasts before we go out to dinner.” Or, “I imagine my honey going down on me tonight, when I get home from my meeting.” Take the little post-it (or use a giant one if that helps you to remember) and put it on the bathroom mirror. Be sure that you check the mirror when you return at the end of the day. You may want to keep your post-its in an envelope, box or drawer in your desk at home, to remind yourself of just how creative your sexual imagination can be. When you are feeling like you just don’t feel erotic or sexually interested, review your array of ideas on post-its. If you prefer, you can use your computer (most have e-post-its) and do this on a screen.

I know this may seem contrived. But believe me when I tell you…despite the mentality that men think about sex something like every 7 minutes (or was that seconds?) and that the women are immersed in their motherhood or jobs and never get around to it… the fact is that unless you are newly dating a sexy chick or dude, or are a bag of raging hormones from dusk till dawn, if you are like the rest of the swarms of humanity, sex comes after all the other stuff in a day’s to-do list. Yes, sex feels great and is a good tension reliever. And, yes, it is a great way to say, “I love you”, but in busy lives it gets put by the wayside. That’s why writing down an erotic idea (something that is sexy and that could imagine doing or having done to you sexually—even teasing is fine) will get you in the mode and maybe the mood for sex. I am not advocating that you pop into your SUV after your post-it routine and jerk off. I am saying that if you keep a focus, first thing each day, on that special aspect of your sexual being, you may find that you have a more satisfying sexlife.

Dr. Patti Britton is a Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and Master Sex Coach with top level credentials.   As a well-respected pioneer and leader in the field of sexology, she is the author of hundreds of articles, four amazing books, and is former columnist for Penthouse Forum. Dr. Patti is a Your Tango expert, popular speaker, sought-after trainer and workshop leader, blogs on her own websites and hosts over 40 DVDs for women’s and couples’ sexual enhancement.

She has a private practice in Los Angeles and via Skype globally. Dr. Patti is the Co-Founder of SexCoachU, the world’s premier training and credentialing institute for sex coaching.  Her coaching career was inspired by being in the presence of Thomas Leonard, and her two amazing coaches, Julian Cohen and Cheryl Richardson.

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango