What Makes You Feel Most Connected With Another?

By

What Makes You Feel Most Connected With Another?
What makes you feel connected with or disconnected from the important people in your life?

Connection with the people who are important to us is a vital need for all of us. Our brains are hard-wired to share love and connection with others. Many of us know that infants and children need a loving connection with their parents to thrive, and that many emotional problems result when this connection is not available.

Each of us experience connection differently, and for a relationship to thrive, we need to understand what connection means to each of us.

What Feels Like Connection for You?

(You might want to print this out and mark the ones that are important to you).
I feel connected with my partner (or, deleting the physical and sexual items, with a friend, parent, or adult child) when he or she:

__Shows me in many ways that he/she cares about my feelings.
__Is open to learning with me when we have conflict.
__Shares his/her thoughts and feelings with me.
__Listens and gives me his/her full attention when we talk.
__Is physically affectionate with me without a sexual expectation.
__Desires to make love with me.
__Initiates sex with me.
__Is responsive to my sexual advances.
__Makes plans for us to have fun together.
__Lets me know that time with me is very important to him/her.
__Is interested in hearing about my day.
__Compliments me.
__Notices when I get my hair cut or get something new.
__Tries to understand what is going on with me when I'm upset, rather than get angry, problem solve, or withdraw.
__Is there for me with kindness and compassion when I'm hurting, even if what I'm hurting about concerns something he/she did.
__Keeps his/her word.
__Never threatens the relationship, even when we are having a hard time with each other.
__We laugh and play together.
__We do fun things together - dinner, movies, social events, vacations.
__Stands up for me when others are mean to me.
__Supports me when I need support.
__Supports me in doing what brings me joy, even if it is not what he or she wants to do.
__Buys me gifts that are meaningful to me.
__Cares about how his/her spending affects me.
__Supports me in doing work I love, even if I don't make a lot of money.
__Enjoys cuddling with me.
__Lets me know in many ways how much he/she appreciates me.
__Our conversations are a two-way street.
__Never deliberately says things that he/she knows are hurtful to me.
__Takes responsibility for his/her feelings rather than blame me.
__Takes responsibility for his/her health and wellbeing.
__Is interested in what interests me.
__Enjoys small-talk with me.
__Other_____________________________________________
 
What Creates Disconnection for You?

This article was originally published at Inner Bonding . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Margaret Paul

Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Location: Pacific Palisades, CA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, Depression
Other Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:

Forget The Past And The Future — Life Happens Now

By

We'd all love to know the future — to know that everything turns out the way we want it to. Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about the future and doing all we can to control it. Or we get caught up on thinking about the past and how we wish we had done it differently. Yet every moment we think about the past or the future we are not in the ... Read more

Eating Well Means Living Well

By

Over 50 years ago, due to having been a sickly child and adolescent, I became interested in nutrition. After reading the current literature, I changed my entire way of eating. I cut out sugar, refined foods and frozen and packaged foods, as well as anything with pesticides or preservatives. At that time, there were few health food stores that carried organic ... Read more

Is It A Demand Or Request? Ask A Marriage Counselor

By

Are you confused about the difference between making a demand and making a request? It's easy to be confused about this. Tina asks, "Margaret, what's the difference between a demand and asking for what you need in a relationship?" Demands Asking for what you want and need in a relationship is important, but it becomes a demand when the ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular