It's completely understandable and somewhat expected for people to be unhappy about getting a divorce. Nobody gets married and expects to get divorced. Divorce can be costly, frustrating, hard on your kids, and volatile. Why would anyone even consider being happy about the situation? Yet, look at the alternatives: Staying miserable for the rest of your life? Blaming your ex for all of your unhappiness? Hanging on to resentment and regrets? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in that kind of misery? I'm hoping eventually you will say no.
So how do you have a happy (or at least happier) divorce?
1. Regardless of who left whom, consider it a step in the right direction. If you left him, you must have had a good reason and for that you should know that you are moving forward. If he left you, even if you are grieving the loss, know that having him stay wouldn't make either of you happy. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Don't you deserve better than that? Holding on to your ex or the past will only hurt you and keep you from enjoying a life well-lived. Resentment is understandable, but it isn't at all helpful. If you are having trouble letting go of the anger and resentment, get some professional help.
2. Fake it until you make it. Act happy; look for positive things to look forward to or to enjoy in the moment. Walk away from negative people and negative situations. Don't ruminate or obsess about what could have been. What good is that? Don't incessantly tell others how awful your ex is or how miserable you are. Instead have faith that everything will be all right, tell yourself so frequently, and start doing things that bring joy into your life, not pain. This is your opportunity to find out what makes you happy, not just how you can make others happy. This will be one of the most important skills of your life. Keep reading...
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