Grateful Children; Three Easy Ideas


Grateful Children; Three Easy Ideas
Grateful children?Here are three easy ways to turn your children from greedy to grateful in no time.

Every year as the holiday season approaches, I hear similar stories from the parents I work with and from friends, "How come my children are ungrateful little brats?" From years of working with parents, I've come to the realization that parents seem to expect their children to be born grateful and with the ability to say things such as, "Parents, I want to take this moment to tell you just how grateful I am for all of your hard work, for the roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back and the gifts that I'm about to receive for the holiday season. Since I am filled with such gratitude, I would like to take the rest of my life to thank you appropriately. Let my start by cleaning my room, being nice to my sibling and taking out the garbage without being reminded."

Honestly, if your kids actually said those words to you, I might be a little bit nervous about their emotional stability. Here's the thing parents, children are normally narcissistic and self-centered. I'm sure you were as well and now you have grown into a gratitude machine and you expect the same from your child. Gratitude is not a given, it is developed and grown with love, kindness, and guidance from others. So how can you help your children to be more grateful? Here are a few ideas:

Allow your child to want things. This doesn't mean that you should give them everything they want. In fact, don't. Yet there is no harm in allowing them to express what they want and for you to acknowledge their desires without giving them the "What do you think money grows on trees?" or "Why can't you be grateful for what you have?" speeches. Ask your children why they want something, but ask them with curiosity, not condescension. Have discussions (not lectures) with your children about your own wants and what they mean to you. An example might be sharing with your children that you want a new car that is both better on gas and safer than the one you currently have. Explain to your children that cars are expensive and that parents work hard to own them. Let them know when you feel blessed for all you have both materially and emotionally.

 Instead of demanding that your child express gratitude similar to the example above, ask your child to always use the words 'please' and 'thank you'. These are the beginning steps of gratitude. Always saying thank you for things that are given to us such as food placed in front of us, workers who may help us, etc. 'Thank you' should be said as well to teachers and coaches in your children's lives. When my daughter participated in competitive dance, it was required that after each class the girls would wait in line to personally thank their teacher and give her a hug. It was a simple, yet powerful, gesture in looking someone in the eye and expressing simple words of gratitude. 

Finally, consistently display gratitude for all that you have in your life. Model it for your children every chance you get. I once taught a parenting class to very low-income parents in an extremely violent community. The parent's constant expression of gratitude for the smallest of gifts, including children who were never incarcerated, was a lesson to me in finding gratitude whenever we can even when times are tough. Do you tell your children how grateful you are for them, for your partner, parents, health, roof over your head, food on your table, a job, an education, etc.? Do it as often as you can. Gratitude is contagious and imitated, you are your child's role model for this wonderful expression of happiness. 

Grateful children aren't an oxymoron, yet they seem to be made rather than born. Stay patient when they are a bit more greedy than grateful, and know that with love and compassion your children can actually grow up to be grateful, kind and giving. (Well, at least to everyone who isn't a sibling.)

Join Lisa Kaplin and Bobbi Anderson for a free teleclass:  Kids+Money+Holidays=Stress; 3 ways to a peaceful, calm, holiday season. Here's the link to sign up:

Lisa Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist at

You can reach her at

For More Parenting Advice From YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lisa Kaplin

YourTango Expert Partner

Dr. Lisa J. Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist you can reach her at:


Location: Chicago, IL
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP, MS, PsyD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Lisa Kaplin:

How To Love Your Body — At Any Size


I recently wrote an article about loving and accepting yourself regardless of your body weight. A number of people commented on my Facebook page and in private messages that they were concerned I was advocating for accepting ourselves at any body size, even if it was unhealthy. They were afraid that if we accept our overweight bodies we might not live healthier ... Read more

Changing Your Partner Won’t Work – But This Will


A lot of people ask me "how can I change my partner?" My short answer is, "you can't." My longer answer is that you can't change them and you shouldn't try. This doesn't mean you should accept poor treatment or unkindness from your partner, but it does mean that if you are trying to change your partner's basic personality ... Read more

Why Losing Weight Won’t Make You Happier


She is 17 and she walks into my office with a depressed look on her face. She says, "this is going to be a bad summer for me." I ask her why and she says, "because I'm going to have to lose weight before I go to the beach with my friends." My heart sinks and I feel a lump in my throat. I look at this amazing young woman who is bright, ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Life Coach Explains Why I Am Upset When I Spend Money

I Love To Spend Money. So Why Do I Hate Myself When I Do?

You have the money, but you still don't feel like you deserve what you buy.

Adultery: How An Affair Can Help Save Your Marriage

How Adultery Can Save Your Marriage

It's not really about what happens, but how you react to what happens.

Does Having Lesbian Sex Make You A Lesbian?

I Had Sex With A Woman. Am I A Lesbian?

How do you know if you've crossed the line?

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>