I don’t think we are all programmed to get married but it definitely sounds like Missy is. As she approached her 22nd birthday she wondered half-seriously if the strange obsessive thoughts of going out and finding a serious relationship meant she was going crazy. After being so occupied with studying and working she felt ridiculous but kept wondering if it really was time for her to get married.
There are several different ways to get programmed to be married.
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- The first is biological. Your selfish genes program you with an urge to reproduce.
- The second is cultural. You are surrounded with images of married couples. Even the US tax law favors marriage.
- The third is family. If you grow up in a family where your parents are married you expect to be married too.
- The fourth is individual. If your mother, your sisters, your cousins and your friends all got married by the time they were 25 you'll feel that you should too.
However, if you get married just because of your programming, you're likely to regret it later.
In a recently completed unscientific research project in which about 70 women answered my question, "What do you wish you had known before you got married?" many of them wished they had waited instead of responding to their own impulses. Several of them even had second thoughts before the ceremony took place and wished that they had backed out at the last minute.
You’ll find the organized results of my research project in my new book, 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before®… Saying “I Do” which is now available at http://www.LaurieWeiss.com/ido . If you are really interested in what women really think about getting and staying married get your copy now.
So Missy is not going crazy. She's experiencing the results of her own programming to make a major decision before she's ready to do so. She isn’t the only one: it’s a common problem. The signals are definitely a good way to call her attention to the question of whether she wants to get married, under what conditions and when. This would be a good time to start looking at what she wants to do with her life and even to start exploring relationships.
When she does that her obsessive thoughts may diminish pretty quickly. If they continue to bother her there are many new energy therapy techniques such as Emotional Freedom Technique and Logosynthesis that can help to eradicate those distracting thoughts.
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If you really want to know more about what it takes to make a marriage work, my 60 minute MP3 Audio: Secrets of Relationship Development and my popular E-Book: 24 Tips for Having a Great Relationship are my gifts for you.
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