Why Marriage Doesn't Always Equal Happily Ever After


Is your happily ever after slipping away from you?
The myths we tell each other about marriage have very little to do with actual reality.

"Why didn't someone tell me it was going to be so hard? I thought that after we were married things would settle down and we could just be happy together! How come we just fight—and our fights go around in circles and we never solve anything? I am not even sure I should have gotten married in the first place!"

The young woman sat in my office with tears spilling down her face. As I listened, I thought again about how girls learn what to expect beyond "and they lived happily after." Around 1975, a few attempts were made to rewrite some famous fairy tales with more realistic endings that continued after the wedding, but I don't think they sold very well. It is so much easier to pretend that the fantasy is true. How To Keep Your Relationship From Falling Apart

More from YourTango: He Is Trying To Control Me: Resistance Is NOT Futile

Almost every woman who is or has been married knows that it isn't. As a psychotherapist, marriage counselor, relationship coach and as a married woman myself, I certainly know that the myths we tell each other about marriage have very little to do with reality. I have been trying to dispel those myths since my early feminist days, forty years ago. The Key to a Sexy Marriage [VIDEO]

Lots of material has been written about how to deal with the fallout of those myths—the kind of fallout that the young woman sitting in front of me was experiencing. We know lots about how to rescue relationships that are in trouble. And yes, with help, she and her husband did learn how to create a marriage that supported them both. 10 Tips For Talking About The Tough Stuff

More from YourTango: 5 Tips From Divorced Women On Avoiding A Bad Marriage

Recently I was offered a way to address the source of this continuing problem. I was invited to write a book called, 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Saying "I Do." I was unsure about accepting until a friend said, "Write it! We'll help you!" The lights went on and I started asking women who were currently or had been married a single question: "What do you wish you had known before you were married?" The answers poured out! I listened and wrote—and very soon my new book will be ready for you. Watch this space for more information about 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Saying "I Do". Meanwhile join the Facebook conversation.

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Family With 2 Young Kids

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

What are we teaching our children when we focus on their achievements rather than their kindness?

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>