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Why Marriage Doesn't Always Equal Happily Ever After

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marriage
Is your happily ever after slipping away from you?
The myths we tell each other about marriage have very little to do with actual reality.

"Why didn't someone tell me it was going to be so hard? I thought that after we were married things would settle down and we could just be happy together! How come we just fight—and our fights go around in circles and we never solve anything? I am not even sure I should have gotten married in the first place!"

The young woman sat in my office with tears spilling down her face. As I listened, I thought again about how girls learn what to expect beyond "and they lived happily after." Around 1975, a few attempts were made to rewrite some famous fairy tales with more realistic endings that continued after the wedding, but I don't think they sold very well. It is so much easier to pretend that the fantasy is true. How To Keep Your Relationship From Falling Apart

More from YourTango: He Is Trying To Control Me: Resistance Is NOT Futile

Almost every woman who is or has been married knows that it isn't. As a psychotherapist, marriage counselor, relationship coach and as a married woman myself, I certainly know that the myths we tell each other about marriage have very little to do with reality. I have been trying to dispel those myths since my early feminist days, forty years ago. The Key to a Sexy Marriage [VIDEO]

Lots of material has been written about how to deal with the fallout of those myths—the kind of fallout that the young woman sitting in front of me was experiencing. We know lots about how to rescue relationships that are in trouble. And yes, with help, she and her husband did learn how to create a marriage that supported them both. 10 Tips For Talking About The Tough Stuff

More from YourTango: 5 Tips From Divorced Women On Avoiding A Bad Marriage

Recently I was offered a way to address the source of this continuing problem. I was invited to write a book called, 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Saying "I Do." I was unsure about accepting until a friend said, "Write it! We'll help you!" The lights went on and I started asking women who were currently or had been married a single question: "What do you wish you had known before you were married?" The answers poured out! I listened and wrote—and very soon my new book will be ready for you. Watch this space for more information about 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Saying "I Do". Meanwhile join the Facebook conversation.

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