Are You Pushing Men Away?


Are You Pushing Men Away?
Are you pushing men away in the name of independence?

I remember when I was single and how much I wanted to find the right man for me. I was doing everything that I knew to attract him. I was “getting out there”. I had a vision board (before they were cool!) I was telling my friends to set me up on blind dates. I was reading the books on the subject. I took workshops on personal growth and development and on relationships. You name it, I was doing it.

And I found out that at the very same time that I was doing all of this… I was unconsciously pushing the right type of man away from me. How? You see, in my precious relationships, I had “lost myself” to please the man– and I was determined not to do this ever again. So I went to the opposite end of the spectrum and told myself “I don’t need a man”- (which is technically true but energetically it was a repellant to the right man).


There was a fine line I had to find in order to BE the independent woman I knew myself to be… and to be open and welcoming to the man of my dreams. This was a tightrope I walked throughout the time period of doing the inner work to attract Johnny. Sometimes were better than others, but I didn’t give up. And here we are, almost 12 years later, in love and helping others have the same for themselves.

So girlfriend, I ask you: Are you pushing men away in the name of independence?

What if the TRUE definition of independence is being free to change your thoughts and behaviors at any moment?

Here’s a few tips to help you start to claim your freedom:

1. Become aware that you’ve been pushing men away in the name of your freedom (if this is in fact true).

2. Set an intention to change it. Put it in writing.

3. Ask yourself and your Higher Power, “How can I be more open and loving and magnetic to the love of my life?” Keep asking and see what comes up.

4. Write an affirmation to start to step into a new version of freedom in your love life.

Here’s a good one:

“I am strong and independent as I joyfully and magnetically attract the love of my life to me now.”

And another one:

“My soulmate LOVES my independence and strength.”

Here’s to you, girlfriend! You CAN have it all. It’s possible. If I can do it, so can you. But you must keep doing your inner work. I hope this article has been helpful to you. Please feel free to comment below or to ask questions. See you next week!

“Independence and relationship are not conflicting values. Don’t let your desire to remain independent block you from love. A true soul partnership is two individuals coming together to create a third entity, the relationship. In the romantic love of fantasy, one plus one equals one. In a true soul partnership, one plus one equals three.”
- Orna and Matthew Walters

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lara And Johnny Fernandez

Relationship Coach

Dr. Lara Fernandez and Johnny Fernandez, J.D. are soulmates on a mission. Their popular, fun, and effective LoveLaunch courses and programs help single, successful, spiritual women live the life of their dreams with their soulmate by their side.

Visit to learn more about Soulmate Love and Men of Quality.

Location: Benicia, CA
Credentials: DC, JD
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