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A More Independent You: How It Leads To A Healthier Relationship

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A More Independent You: How It Leads To A Healthier Relationship
Respect your partner's independence as well as your own!
This Fourth of July, cultivate a happy relationship by starting with yourself.

It's almost the Fourth of July, the day we celebrate our freedom in the United States. As much as we hold dear the idea of freedom as a society, we also value being part of a couple. So one might ask, "Do we give up our freedom, our independence, when we are part of a couple?"

One of my biggest concerns as a relationship expert are the unrealistic expectations that the media promotes to us from childhood: A dashing prince comes along on a white horse and carries his lady off into the sunset so they can live "happily ever after." This notion pervades our songs, novels and movies. So too often, there's the belief that being part of a couple is what allows you to feel complete. Not only is this risky to your personal self-image, but it's also dangerous to the relationship itself. Here, I offer five insights that I believe will help you attain a proper mindset and a healthier, independent you — and, inevitably, a better relationship.

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1. Work through your personal issues. It's really important to work on your issues from your past before you enter into a relationship. Expecting your partner to be responsible for your emotional well-being is likely to become a burden and have negative consequences.

2. And don't let them creep up. If you haven't worked on your personal concerns, without even realizing it, they're likely to "leak" and get triggered with your partner. This relationship is the one where your emotions will be most vulnerable. If this happens, it's time to take personal responsibility and get to work (perhaps with a professional).

More from YourTango: 5 Playful Ways To Spend Valentine's Day With Your Spouse

3. Cultivate your own interests. It's totally healthy and appropriate for each of you to have your own interests. This gives you each the opportunity to grow and to share your passions with each other. Being "joined at the hip" isn't what makes for a successful relationship. Keep reading...

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Article contributed by
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Dr. Karen Sherman

Author

Dr. Karen Sherman is a Psychologist and radio host of Your Empowered Relationship as well as the co-author of "Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make it Last" and award winning "Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life." Her experet advice is sought after in print, radio, and TV. 
Connect with Dr. Karen through her FREE 21-day program or monthly newsletter
Location: Long Island, NY
Credentials: PhD
Website: http://www.DrKarenSherman.com

 

Location: Plainview, NY
Credentials: MFT, NCC, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Dr. Karen Sherman:

How To Save Your Relationship This Spring

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As a relationship expert, I'm accustomed to the reality that couples don't call me until their relationship is really in trouble. It's not uncommon for those in a committed relationship to start to take the partnership for granted  The comparison I often make is like noticing your nails. You don't see them growing; yet, one day, you look ... Read more

5 Playful Ways To Spend Valentine's Day With Your Spouse

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In today's world, there's so much to do and so much information to attend to. Clearly, all of this affects the quality of your partnership. And when you add this to the aleady natural flow of relationships where people tend to take each other for granted, and it's likely a couple will start to feel disconnected from one another. As a ... Read more

5 Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse Before Valentine's Day

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February is often considered the love month by many since Valentine's Day is this month. Lots of articles and tips are given out to make sure that those who aren't in a relationship know how to deal with Cupid's Holiday. After all, we are a couple's  society. But you...you're one of the lucky ones. You're part of a twosome. Do ... Read more

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