5 Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse Before Valentine's Day

By

5 Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse Before Valentine's Day
In a relationship but not feeling warm and fuzzy? Here are tips to bring back the good feelings!

February is often considered the love month by many since Valentine's Day is this month. Lots of articles and tips are given out to make sure that those who aren't in a relationship know how to deal with Cupid's Holiday. After all, we are a couple's  society.

But you...you're one of the lucky ones. You're part of a twosome. Do you really feel lucky? What if, in reality, though you have a significant other, you feel disconnected and lonely. Maybe you're making plans for February 14, but truth be told — the feelings just aren’t what they should be. You go to select a card and it's just so hard! Why do you feel this way and, more importantly, what can you do about it?

 

First, as a relationship expert, I want to share a dirty little secret with you: you're not alone. Unfortunately, many people who are in a partnership don't feel the feelings they did in the beginning of relationship. At the start of anything new, we put lots of time, energy and effort into something. What that looks like when it comes to another person is paying attention, listening carefully, offering compliments. Do you remember? All of these gestures send the message to the other person, "You matter."

Then, as we settle in and make commitments to each other, we start to take the relationship for granted. We let other things get in the way or become a priority. As this happens, those good feelings decrease and a slow disconnection increases. The end result is that despite being in a relationship, you're feeling alone. But it doesn't have to be that way.

In the spirit of love month, let's talk about how to make a positive change. Read on to see the five ways you can make small changes to make a big difference in your relationship. 

  1. Attitude counts. Know that change can happen. If you have a positive attitude and believe that things can get better, it will set you on the right course.
  2. Be the initiator. Based on Action/Reaction(™), start the ball rolling. Once you start to do positive things, your mate will likely follow in kind.
  3. Resort to old tricks. Do the things you used to do when you first started out. After all, those were the gestures that made each of you feel like you mattered to the other.
  4. Feelings follow behavior. Even if you're not experiencing positive feelings now, do positive behaviors anyway.  Research shows that feelings will follow behavior.
  5. Do a check-in. See if your mate is feeling similarly to you. Just by checking-in with each other, it will help to clear the air and start an open discussion of ways to reconnect.

If you're still having difficulty, do consider getting some outside help. Remember — the longer you wait, the more difficult the problem gets. If you feel like you don't have the time, energy, or money to go for professional help, come on over to my new membership site, www.MakeYourMarriageWorkNow.com, for committed couples to get comprehensive information as well as access to me. Check it out now!

Join Dr. Karen on her weekly radio show plus get powerful tips to empower your relationship fast in Dr. Karen's FREE 21-day program!  

More relationship expert advice on YourTango:

 

Article contributed by

Dr. Karen Sherman

Author

Dr. Karen Sherman is a Psychologist and radio host of Your Empowered Relationship as well as the co-author of "Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make it Last" and award winning "Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life." Her experet advice is sought after in print, radio, and TV. 
Connect with Dr. Karen through her FREE 21-day program or monthly newsletter
Location: Long Island, NY
Credentials: PhD
Website: http://www.DrKarenSherman.com

 

Location: Plainview, NY
Credentials: MFT, NCC, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Dr. Karen Sherman:

6 (FREE) Gifts That Will Make Your Family Feel Ridiculously Loved

By

The season of "giving" (also known as the season of "getting") has finally arrived. Generally, we end up with lots of stuff from friends and family that we really don't want (or need). Though the gestures are nice, in reality no one likes fruit cake, and the scarf from your co-worker likely came straight out of their re-gifting ... Read more

7 Reasons To Be Grateful For Your Partner's Annoying Habits

By

As the holiday season approaches, the theme of "gratitude" often pops up as we're encouraged to take stock of all that we're thankful for. Yet, when it comes to thinking kindly of our partner, many couples struggle to find anything to appreciate. The day-to-day realities of life often keep our annoyance with our partners front of mind, ... Read more

Make A Commitment Already! 9 Tips That Help Love Feel Less Scary

By

The season is here for haunted houses, jack o' lanterns, kids going trick-or-treating, and things that go bump in the night. It can be fun and empowering to toy with the idea of what scares us (dressing up in costumes, watching scary movies, and telling ghost stories) but if you really want to prove you’re bold and brave, I challenge you to also take ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular