February is often considered the love month by many since Valentine's Day is this month. Lots of articles and tips are given out to make sure that those who aren't in a relationship know how to deal with Cupid's Holiday. After all, we are a couple's society.
But you...you're one of the lucky ones. You're part of a twosome. Do you really feel lucky? What if, in reality, though you have a significant other, you feel disconnected and lonely. Maybe you're making plans for February 14, but truth be told — the feelings just aren’t what they should be. You go to select a card and it's just so hard! Why do you feel this way and, more importantly, what can you do about it?
First, as a relationship expert, I want to share a dirty little secret with you: you're not alone. Unfortunately, many people who are in a partnership don't feel the feelings they did in the beginning of relationship. At the start of anything new, we put lots of time, energy and effort into something. What that looks like when it comes to another person is paying attention, listening carefully, offering compliments. Do you remember? All of these gestures send the message to the other person, "You matter."
Then, as we settle in and make commitments to each other, we start to take the relationship for granted. We let other things get in the way or become a priority. As this happens, those good feelings decrease and a slow disconnection increases. The end result is that despite being in a relationship, you're feeling alone. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In the spirit of love month, let's talk about how to make a positive change. Read on to see the five ways you can make small changes to make a big difference in your relationship.
- Attitude counts. Know that change can happen. If you have a positive attitude and believe that things can get better, it will set you on the right course.
- Be the initiator. Based on Action/Reaction(™), start the ball rolling. Once you start to do positive things, your mate will likely follow in kind.
- Resort to old tricks. Do the things you used to do when you first started out. After all, those were the gestures that made each of you feel like you mattered to the other.
- Feelings follow behavior. Even if you're not experiencing positive feelings now, do positive behaviors anyway. Research shows that feelings will follow behavior.
- Do a check-in. See if your mate is feeling similarly to you. Just by checking-in with each other, it will help to clear the air and start an open discussion of ways to reconnect.
If you're still having difficulty, do consider getting some outside help. Remember — the longer you wait, the more difficult the problem gets. If you feel like you don't have the time, energy, or money to go for professional help, come on over to my new membership site, www.MakeYourMarriageWorkNow.com, for committed couples to get comprehensive information as well as access to me. Check it out now!
More relationship expert advice on YourTango:
- Why Men Are More Distant Than Women In Relationships
- Relationship Advice: 5 More Things Your Mom Never Told You
- 9 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship