Your ideal of a perfect marriage puts overwhelming pressure on your finance to opt out.
Just as the wedding plans were being finalized twenty-nine-year-old Neville’s twenty-four-year old fiancé Sheila, broke it off - for the third time!
He couldn’t believe it. He had been there through thick and thin, including seeing Sheila through her bouts of anxiety and depression. He made allowances for her during these times, and tolerated Sheila’s mother trying to compete with him for the role of ‘chief caretaker.’
No matter how patient he was or how many allowances he made, at the end of the day he felt dumped.
Just as he was looking forward to searching for a house and planning the details of the wedding Sheila backed out saying she couldn’t go through with it. She wasn’t ready. She was very sorry, especially as this was a repeat of what had happened before, but it wasn’t going to work out.
Neville was in shock. This was the closest he had ever gotten to tying the knot with someone he was nuts about, and it all fell apart.
Would he ever get married? Would he ever find that magic that his parents seemed to have and that he desperately wanted to capture?
Amid the fear that he was going to miss the boat, Neville felt angry, disappointed and terrified. The mix of feelings was overwhelming and paralyzed him for a while.
The shock came from discovering that no matter how good, kind, understanding and patient he was, he couldn’t make things happen the way he wanted and expected.
The anger came from being strung along, for his hopes to have been raised again only to be dashed and crushed. He was also angry at himself for believing Sheila would be different third time around. He was furious that he had allowed his dreams and hopes to blind him to Sheila’s problems in committing to this or any other relationship.
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This article was originally published at Jeanette Raymond Los Angeles West Side Therapy. Reprinted with permission from the author.