If you are wondering why you are still single despite being a good catch, and why everyone else seems to have a partner in a long term relationship, you may already have exactly what you are looking for but not see it.
Arabella, a thirty-nine year old art dealer went through four or five guys a week and found each lacking in some essential quality until she followed the four L O V E steps.
Arabella had three criteria that she used to decide whether her date was worth her time and energy.
First the guy had to be attentive and focused on her feelings and needs – ask about her experiences, wants, tastes, bug bears and act accordingly. That proved she was wanted.
If it didn’t happen immediately, the guy was burned out from her emotional list. Trust was broken and the relationship ended before it fully formed.
Second the guy had to take the initiative and make plans to be together based on their mutual interests – arrange to go out for meals, movies, weekend trips, skating, bowling etc.
If Arabella’s date failed to make a plan one week, he was removed from her emotional list. Trust was violated and the relationship ended before it took root.
Third the man had to follow through on the plans – call to confirm, call to check in with her about the plans, or call in advance if plans had to change.
If the man didn’t call on a single occasion to plan a meeting, he was eradicated from her emotional list. Trust was not consummated and the relationship ended before it took shape.
Why can’t Arabella find a regular guy who treats her well and settle into a caring relationship?
Arabella’s criteria are reasonable, common to most other people in dating relationships and make sense within the context of a caring connection. She was an attractive, good, loyal person, yet she seemed stuck in a negative spiral of opening up with hope and very quickly shutting down with disappointment and fury.
- after a short while she grew hungry for a close, reliable and predictable relationship
- Arabella went back into the dating scene, felt let down and retreated into her safe but alone mode – until the hunger started up again.
Each time Arabella threw a guy away when he failed to meet one of her three criteria exactly as she expected, she was reliving an older bad relationship and confusing the two situations.
Blurring past and present let downs prevented Arabella from giving life to a loving relationship
Arabella’s father had broken many promises and made her feel as if she didn’t matter.