Renowned lesbian matchmaker and relationship coach, Dr. Frankie Bashan of Little Gay Book, will discuss ways to manage emotions and highlight the idea that we all have the ability to manage our emotions based on our cognitions (i.e. thoughts). Dr. Frankie is a clinical psychologist and relationship coach with a decade of experience helping people just like you overcome challenges of all kinds.
The breakup has happened. The “It’s not you it’s me, I’m not ready for something serious, or I hope we can stay friends” has just occurred, so now what? Call your closest friends, focus on work, or isolate? All of these tactics are common after a breakup and I’m only mentioning a few. The goal of this month’s newsletter is to help you find the most adaptive and quickest way to get over someone. Some healthy steps towards healing include getting your questions answered from your ex, distancing yourself from your ex, processing emotions of grief, rebuilding your life by increasing positive emotions, healing from the loss, and then evaluating if you want your ex back in your life.
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Whether you realize it or not, you have a tremendous amount of power over how you feel. This is because your thoughts affect your emotions. So in the aftermath of a breakup, utilize this ability to change your emotions. This can be accomplished by using “opposite action to emotion.” This is a great technique to increase positive emotions when you feel overwhelmed by negative ones. This means when you’re feeling sad expose yourself to something that will make you happy, even if it is only for a few moments. Examples include: If you’re feeling lonely, call your friend Sandy who always makes you laugh. If you’re sad, watch a comedy. If you’re feeling stressed or frustrated, get a massage. The goal is to replace negative feelings with positive ones. I’m not suggesting that you bottle up your emotions, discount feelings of sadness, or exist in a state of denial. The truth is you will likely experience feelings of sadness no matter what. Opposite action to emotion will help bring in new feelings and empower you to process the negative emotions. It’s a skill of balance. Try to get all of your questions answered. After a breakup, we can feel vulnerable, experience self-doubt, and question our relationships with others. It’s common to have many questions for your ex after a breakup. Write them out before speaking to your ex. Once you speak to your ex, make sure you cover all of your bases. You may not get all of your questions answered, but it’s a step in the right direction.
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