10 Things to Not Say on a First Date

A first date is an opportunity to get to know a new person. Share your best qualities first.

On a first day, you approach a new person with either excitement and hope or apprehension and even fear.  You want to make a good impression, you want this other person to like you and to "the one."  Although we know a lot about another person in the first few seconds of seeing each other.  We know how attractive they are to us.  We know if they are gentle, passive, aggressive, open, secretive, loving or hostile.  We may not consciously pay attention to what we know but our brain picks up lots of signals.

Even if we send out blatant signals to indicate we are insecure or confident or that we are loving or distant, we can still alter the other person's perception of us by the words we choose to speak and the tone in which we speak them.  Words are powerful and once expressed cannot be unspoken.  I am not suggesting that you carefully censor everything you say but there are some habits that will help you to get closer to a new person and other habits that will instantly set the other person up to be more cautious.

Please don't say any of these 10 things on a first date - unless - you have clearly established a more comprehensive understanding of who you are and how you generally operate in the world.  Within the context of your entire life, it may not be as off-putting, but if this is all another person knows about you, you may as well say goodbye right now.

  1. It was all his/her fault – Bashing and bad mouthing your ex.
  2. It’s all my mother/father’s fault – I had a bad childhood and didn’t know any better.
  3. “They” prevented me from.... I couldn’t finish school because “they” didn’t pay for it. I couldn’t get married because “they” rejected me....
  4. I live with my mother/parents because I can’t afford to live on my own.
  5. I have no money so you have to pay the bill
  6. I am desperate to get married because I don’t want to be alone
  7. I’m a sex addict or I don’t like sex
  8. I always cause men/women to abuse me, take advantage, reject me.
  9. I still love my ex and I call and text him/her every day.
  10. You’re not smart enough, attractive enough, successful enough, interesting enough or good enough for me.

A first date is an opportunity to get to know a new person.  Show interest and curiosity about the other person.  Share some of your best qualities and attributes and experien ces.  Then, maybe, if you have developed a true rapport, you can share a bit of the less attractive features of your life.  So much has to do with timing, including the way you share yourself with another person.

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