What's the key to a successful relationship? Sometimes it's the simple things...
What's the key to a successful relationship?
Sometimes it's the simple things that are taken for granted or we think are unimportant that hold the key to a healthy, loving and happy relationship.
Here are ten tips on how to make your relationship last:
- Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Schedule at least half an hour every night in your calendars for each other. Also schedule at least one day a month where the two of you spend time exclusively together outside the home doing something fun together (not housework or maintenance related)
- You both want to feel secure within the relationship. To create security, compromise and a balance of give and take is necessary from both of you. Open communication is vital and no subject should be off limits for discussion in a healthy relationship.
- The little things that first attracted you to each other can become annoying habits over the years. You both must learn to love your partner, irritating habits and all. My husband does not like the way I load the dishwasher. I don't take it personally, if he wants to readjust the dishes, I am fine with that. It does not annoy him, he just prefers to do it a different way and accepts that I do it my way. Don't try to change your spouse into something they're not and recognize the characteristics that were present when you did fall in love with them.
- Money is key contributor to relationship failure with many couples. Why? Money is the most difficult conversation for people to have. People are afraid of talking about money, about budgets, about financial planning, etc. For the relationship to work, you must learn how to get comfortable with talking about money and spending. You should meet at least once a month to review your outgoing expenses and income as a couple for the long term health of your relationship. Agreeing to a budget is important so that you both can accomplish your financial goals together.
- Communication is vital to all healthy relationships. Listen to each other - hear each other out without interrupting. Talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other.
- Sex is important to create connection and intimacy in a marriage. Life gets busy and it is easy to push sex and intimacy aside. It is critical to address your sex and intimacy needs with your partner, schedule time for it, and do what you can to bring intimacy back into your relationship. Remember talking about sex and intimacy is vital to the health and sustainability of your relationship.
- Maintain a balance of dependence and independence with each other. Do not depend on your partner 100% of the time because that can be suffocating to your partner. On the other hand, don't allow your partner to think you don't need them, by going or doing things without them. Do your best to keep a healthy balance between the two. Again, communication is key. You both should know what is stifling to each other and areas where you both want to depend on each other versus areas in which you both need independence. Balance between the two is important and the best way to find balance is to share and discuss what works and does not work for both of you.
- Learn to let go of what bothers you. If you know something your partner said or did has hurt or annoyed you, you have to talk to them about it and ask for what you would like them to do instead. Once you both have discussed it and you have asked for what you need instead, you must let it go. Do not focus on the past event and allow your partner to be forgiven and see that you are moving forward.
- Implement a no cheating policy. Couples who talk about their thoughts and feelings about cheating have a better chance at succeeding in their relationship than those who do not. If you want an open relationship make sure you have an agreement about what that looks like and make sure you both understand what you are agreeing to and not agreeing to. It helps to put it in writing and both of you sign it. If you do not tolerate cheating, then make sure you both know that and agree to it. People usually cheat because they are too chicken to address the problems in their relationship and succumb to using cheating as the catalyst to end their relationship. Instead, if you are having problems, address them. It is much easier to end a relationship before starting a new one than starting a new one while you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Be an adult and respect yourself enough to be a person of integrity.
- Don't ever think that going to counseling or coaching is a sign of a failed relationship or a failure on your part. On the contrary, it can help turn a relationship around and can transform an average relationship into an excellent one. More people are turning to marriage and relationship coaching today than ever, it shows you are both committed to each other and to improving your relationship. There is no longer any stigma associated with getting a third party who is professionally trained to help you succeed in your marriage - in fact, it can be completely confidential - no one needs to know other than you and your partner. Take the step to get coaching as soon as you notice a disconnect in your relationship, no matter how small the it may be. Sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it is a tell tale sign of deeper issues down the road.
The fact remains, that whether you're dating or married, relationships can be difficult without learning and practicing new skills. It takes 100% commitment from both of you.
You can achieve any goal you have as long as you learn how, right? If you want to learn how to install hard wood floors, you would take lessons from someone who knows how. Why not do the same to create a long lasting and loving relationship -- hire a trained professional who is committed to your success to show you how to succeed in your relationship. You are worth it!
These relationship tips may seem simple, but they are tried and true. Contact Dr. Dar now for a sample session and for more relationship tips and tools to improve your relationship today!