A Long, Happy Marriage: The Perfect Gift For Newlyweds

By

A Long, Happy Marriage: The Perfect Gift For Newlyweds
Sharing the secrets of a successful marriage could well be the best wedding gift of all.

As soon as you receive the engagement announcement, question number one is invariably the same, "What is the best wedding gift?" In the past three decades, we have heard many gift suggestions from all over the world while conducting our research on the makings of great marriages.

While people tend to shower newlyweds with material gifts, perhaps, the best gift of all would be to share with them the secrets of a successful marriage — of how to marry the right person in the first place. In other words, maybe we should help those who are getting married learn how to get it right the first time. A happy and successful marriage could be the greatest gift of all.

You cannot learn or understand success by studying failure, that's a fact! We understood this notion more than 32 years ago when we began our research. By interviewing couples with successful marriages lasting from 30 to 77 years, we learned a lot about successful marriage. We discovered the "Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage" by gathering data from thousands of interviews with long-time, happily married couples and our own extraordinarily successful 48-year marriage.

Over the years, we have determined that the best way to understand successful marriages is to study successful marriages. Our research protocol is a very different approach compared to the one employed by most relationship experts. Frankly, we do not believe you learn a lot about success by studying failure, you learn about success by studying success. So study success we did.

The criteria for determining a successful marriage (i.e., qualified to be interviewed for our study) were stringent:

  • First, the couple had to be married to each other for at least 30 years.
  • Second, in response to the question "How would you rate the overall happiness of your marriage on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 the highest)?" The couple being interviewed had to agree that it was a 9 or 10.
  • Third, we developed a field-tested research protocol that determined if their marriage was truly a successful one.

From these successful marriages we gathered more than 20,000 years of collective wisdom from couples in all 50 states of the United States — people of different faiths, ages and ethnicities. In addition, we interviewed successfully married couples in 48 different countries on all Seven of the World's Continents. After 32+ years and thousands of interviews with successfully married couples (as well as our own successful 48 years of marriage), we discovered seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages.

The central finding of our research is that successful love and relationships are an accumulation of the "little things." It isn't enough to just think about the little things or talk about the little things, you have to DO the little things every day. That's what makes love and relationships last! If you understand and implement the simple ideas presented in Building a Love that Lasts, a newly married couple will be well on their way to having a successful and long-lasting marriage.

While successful marriage isn't difficult to understand, many couples fail to do the simple things required to make their marriages work. They either forget to do them or they haven't learned them in the first place. Keep reading...

More marriage adive on YourTango:

Article contributed by

Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz

Author

Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
**For marriage advice and hundreds of practical tips, read the Doctors' best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.  Learn How to Marry the Right Guy when you read the Doctors' latest book--2014 Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal for Best Relationship Book. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Marriage, Nutrition, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz:

5 Ways To Keep Money Problems From Becoming Marriage Problems

By

When money problems become the main source of stress in your marriage, it is time to act. Just hoping your money problems will go away will not solve them. It takes a real commitment from both of you working as a team with common financial goals. People in love support each other through thick and thin – through good and bad financial times. People in ... Read more

7 Signs Your Marriage Counselor Is Giving You Terrible Advice

By

Sometimes we wonder why so many good folks in America have fallen prey to the lies and distortions about marriage they hear from uninformed "experts" or people with political agenda?  Why are so many willing to accept the negative pronouncements about marriage — it is a failed institution (it is not); the divorce rate is over 50% ... Read more

7 Commons Myths About Marriage That Just Aren't True

By

It is true that knowing the difference between marriage myths and marriage facts can improve your chances of having a successful marriage. For example, it is a FACT that if you get married before the age of 24 in the USA, you have a MUCH higher chance of getting divorced than those who get married at 25 and older. The divorce rate for those getting married ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.