Getting divorced? Don't believe your marriage was wasted time.
"Till death do us part" are such romantic words! There you are, standing at the altar, full of hope, love, excitement and trust. You are looking into the eyes of your beloved, the person with whom you intend to live a life of such passionate harmony and devotion, that all who know you will envy your wedded bliss. This is the person with whom you will build a home, who will support you through good times and bad and with whom you will grow old, as your adoring grandchildren play around your feet.
Oh my god ... What happened? How did such devotion, harmony and bliss turn into disgust, bitterness and anger? Can you ever again look at this person the way you used to? Can you ever go back to the way it was? Has all this time together been wasted?
The answers are no, no and no. To begin with, you can never "go back." To go back would mean to just be where you were at a particular time, without being where you are now ... it can't happen. What you really want to know is: can you regain those feelings you used to have of being in love, accepting each other and having that feeling of your life being ahead of you? It's possible, if that is what you really want with this particular person.
What you can do is build from this moment onward. You can appreciate how you have learned, grown and evolved and decide to continue that process. Whether or not you do it with your current partner is often a difficult decision. It is usually attached to this question: "has all this time together been wasted?" 10 Lessons I Learned From My Divorce
This is at the heart of the issue. We all have a tendency to make the ends justify the means. In other words, if my relationship is good now, then whatever came before was worth it. Conversely, if my relationship is not good now, then all that time I put into it was for nothing and therefore wasted.
It is up to each of us to make each moment count. It is your choice to wake up each morning and say, "today will be a good day” and know that it is up to you to make it a good day. It is up to you to not give away your power and allow someone else, anyone else, to make this day other than what you want. That goes for yesterday and tomorrow, as well. The Power Of Intentions: Thriving Through Divorce
More divorce advice from YourTango:
- Will Men Date Divorced Women?
- 9 Love Lessons I Learned From My Divorce
- How Do I Know I'm Ready To Start Dating After A Divorce?