50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Lack Of Communication Can Lead To The Final Straw

By

Lack Of Communication Can Lead To The Final Straw
Couples' Lack of Open Communication can Lead to the "Final Straw,"

An article in the Wall Street Journal investigates how and when couples know whether it's "just another fight," or if the relationship is over. (http://on.wsj.com/He4619) Considering that statistically, most people stay in a relationship for six years when they're unhappy, the final straw may come as quite a surprise for the other person.


Marriage and relationship therapist, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil points out that one of the most common problems between men and women is the "schism" of communication styles and abilities between men and women. "This is often what women describe as 'shutting down,'" she says, "but often men don't know it's happening, or can't accurately convey what they're feeling. Hence, what women perceive as shutting down."

More from YourTango: Game Over: How Playing Video Games Can Be A Form Of Cheating


When one person in a marriage decides they've experienced the last straw, and the relationship is over, the other partner may be caught off guard and want to work on things. One type of therapy explored in this article - and used by Dr. Bonnie (Discernment Therapy) - is used to help the spouse who wants to leave determine if that is truly the best decision or if reconciliation is possible. Thirty percent of people considering divorce would also consider reconciliation.


As Dr. Bonnie discusses in her book, Make Up Don't Break Up, she believes that most relationships can be saved - and she recognizes work should be done on the marriage before they get to the "final straw" point. Most of the time, says Dr. Bonnie, when couples do the work on their relationship, they decide to stay when they find their way.


"In my practice I frequently treat people who were caught off guard by a divorce request after what they have may felt was 'just another fight.' The reality is that people often stew in their dissatisfaction rather than dealing with it constructively, and then allow it to blow up - or end the relationship," Dr. Bonnie explains. This is also prime time for people to have affairs - they will feel it shakes up the relationship when they feel stuck.


The biggest complaint that women have in this situation, says Dr. Bonnie, is that men shut down and don't share. "But the men I see often reveal that they are frustrated too - they don't know how to share what they're feeling or why they're upset and their wives expect them to."


Since women tend to be the guardians of connection, Dr. Bonnie suggests a few things they can do to help ensure a safe communication environment, where surprise blow-ups won't occur!


* Don't ask "what's wrong." Instead of opening up, men in this situation will just shut up!

More from YourTango: 4 Do's & Don'ts Of Facebook Flirting

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Bonnie Weil

Author

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Relationship and Family Therapist
info@doctorbonnie.com 
http://www.doctorbonnie.com

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Bonnie Weil:

How Do I Avoid Being Too Controlling In My Marriage?

By

There's a thin line between suggesting your spouse do something and demanding they do it. The latter is considered controlling behavior and that is a major no-no in marriage.  Marriage therapist Dr. Bonnie Weil explains why you shouldn't attempt to control your spouse and what ultimately happens when you try.  Watch the video to learn ... Read more

Marriage: Help! My Husband Always Humiliates Me In Public

By

Does your significant other leave you blushing and speechless in public? Are you sick of your relationship being a continuous awkward moment? Embarrassing your husband or wife in public is a social and relationship no-no. Marriage therapist Dr. Bonnie Weil explains the importance of staying honest (behind closed doors). “Honesty can be cruelty; you ... Read more

Marriage: How Do I Deal With My Selfish Spouse?

By

You love your husband, but not his behavior. Should you really break up with your husband if he is acting like a selfish jerk? You'll be surprised to learn the answer is yes!  Marriage therapist Dr. Bonnie Weil explains "break up to make up" and how this can be an effective way to get your husband to pay attention to his less-than-stellar ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cuffs

Emotional Vampires: Skills for Dealing with the Narcissist

Expert, Margaret Jacobson shares insights gained from Albert Bernstein's, book Emotional Vampires

Smooches

One-liners Guaranteed to Turn Up the Heat

Want some off the hook sex tonight? Use words as foreplay!

Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS