If you want a great relationship, DON'T make these first date mistakes.
Just suppose you haven't been on a first date for a while. Your confidence has probably taken a knocking—and all the more so if your last relationship(s) didn't turn out too well.
If that sounds like you, first off, rest assured you're not alone. A lot of us have been there, and a lot of us have let our hungry hearts run away with us.
Sadly, where the heart leads, common sense doesn't always follow. Especially in the early days of a relationship.
It's only human. However, it's not necessarily helpful.
Having practiced a "leap-before-you-look policy" myself more than once and worked with a lot of other women who have, I can tell you that a this policy frequently results in a hard landing—and a sore head and heart.
Before you dive into it wholeheartedly into your fledgling relationship, it makes sense to find out whether you'll have a soft landing or a crash landing. So, here is a brief check-list of 5 dos and don'ts on or after a first date.
1. Don't Start Playing Fantasy Futures.
If you're female, this is a very tempting game. Since you have a more or less blank canvas in front of you, so to speak, it's easy to picture your own ideal scenario on it. But that doesn't mean it's a good idea. Actually, it's a very bad idea.
First, your date has no idea of the role that you'd like him to play. Second, he's likely to have his own expectations, fantasies, quirks, and anxieties, which means he may well fall short of the expectations he doesn't even know you had.
2. Don't Haul Out The Crystal Ball.
So, your last relationship didn't work out. That's disappointing. But it's down to you whether you see it as losing the love of your life, having a lot of heartbreak to make up for or finally having happiness within your reach. In the end, it's just a date.
All you're doing is sending out a fragile craft on a fairly choppy sea. If that little craft stays afloat, next time around—that is, on the next date—the two of you will set sail in something slightly more robust. Just don't confuse a first date with crossing the Atlantic in an ocean-going liner.
3. Do Avoid Overshares.
Maybe you think this guy is—or could be—a kindred spirit. You could be right ... or you could be wrong. Time will tell. Instead of making assumptions about who and what he could be in your life, hold back to find out who he is. Most sane men don't want to rush into a relationship.
Abusers, jerks, and players have one thing in common: Their "Ferrari engines" go from zero to top speed in a matter of seconds. The downside is, of course, that they are totally unsuited to a long-term, loving relationship.
4. Do Avoid Facebook.
It really isn't a good idea to post all about your date—including photos—on Facebook.
Chances are, you and he are already Facebook friends. It's one of the best ways you can find to scare him off, short of asking him to marry you!
Most men fear getting trapped in the claws of a female psycho. Being too keen too fast is very frightening for him.
5. Don't Overlook Bad First Date Behavior.
First impressions, including your very first impressions, are usually right. I've worked with clients who've told me stories of men who on did the following the first date:
- Turned up spectacularly late
- Didn't show at all
- Dropped by the dry cleaning store to collect their cleaning
- Barely bothered to speak to them
- Bored them
- Asked intrusive questions
That's just to name but a few.
Needless to say, these women all gave their date a second chance. This led to long-term relationships in which they gave their date endless second, third, and twenty-third chances—and it still ended in tears.
If a date can't get it right on a first date, he probably won't get it right in the long-term.
Sure, nobody wants first date disappointment, but you don't need me to tell you it's not going to get any easier several months or years down the line.
By now you're probably thinking, "But if I make it so hard for a date, no man will ever bother." Not true.
It's time you stopped thinking about prospective dates as poor stray pets who've had a careless owner or two, and need you to coax them into confidence and affection. They're not.
They're hunters, and they enjoy the thrill of the chase. So, give them a worthy prize to chase: You.
Not only will it sort out the men from the players, it will help you choose—and I use the word choose advisedly—the right man for you this time around.
Sound complicated? It isn't. It's not all about dating.