The honeymoon's over. How do we maintain passion throughout our relationship, whether three months in, or 30 years? We have our work, our studies, our hobbies, our exercise regimen, and many couples have children. In short, we're busy. And then there's that ever-present layer of smartphones and tablets – we're constantly on call on the one hand, and always a hair breadth away from entertainment on the other. It's a wonder we even talk to our partners these days!
And yet we continually need connection with our significant other. We don't want it to fade – we want, and need, the intimacy. Deep down we know that's what it's all about.
Longing for intimacy is one of the major themes for which people come to me for assistance.
Over the years, in helping couples achieve more intimacy, I've highlighted four key areas that oil the engine of passion in a relationship. I've listed them here, followed by one way to achieve them in one fell swoop.
Top Four Ways To Maintain Passion In Your Relationship
1) Novelty. You've probably seen a few lists of "creative things to do on a date". Spice it up, they say. Think out of the box. Getting us out of routine is beneficial because it's a change of pace and provides excellent conversation triggers. All in all, doing something different creates a special kind of bonding because it's a unique experience which only the two of you share alone.
2) Fun. Enjoyment, amusement – those are the definitions of fun. There are so many serious topics to discuss as couples – emotionally, financially, logistically. Taking time out just for pure fun serves as a rejuvenating force and provides a needed balance to the more serious aspects of our lives.
3) Relaxation. How much closer can we feel when we're not stressed out? We want a partner with whom we can wind down, feel comfortable, and let go of the pressures of daily life. We connect more honestly when we're relaxed together.
4) Vulnerability. Everyone knows that a relationship only becomes deeper when both partners make themselves vulnerable to each other. But what many couples don't realize is that this is true for the entire lifespan of the relationship. Continually taking risks by opening ourselves up with our partners is one of the best ways to maintain a secure, long-lasting relationship.
How to Get All of the Above At Once
And the answer is….(drum roll, please): Couples massage. Yes, this activity is novel, fun, undoubtedly relaxing, and provides a forum where one must let go, be vulnerable to touch and be touched. The vulnerability aspect also comes into play because we get to tell our partners what we like, and what we don't, opening up more avenues for mutual care and respect.