Do blind dates make you second guess yourself?
If there's one occasion that elicits anxiety, it's the thought of an impending blind date. However, since these days it's often hard to meet suitable partners easily, we're open to blind dates. Friends set us up, and we're on a few internet dating sites. So we go out. Yet somehow, it's often hard to really make a connection.
You wonder: Is it me?
The answer might surprise you: It's yes. But wait — it’s yes not because it's our "fault" if the dating is going nowhere. Rather, it's "yes" because we have the power to change our way of dating. To date with courage. To date with a mission. The way to blind date effectively is to do so with confidence.
Here are tips for confidently getting off to a great start with a blind date, no matter where it will lead.
- Approach The Date With One Main Question; "In what ways could this person be good for me?" This is neither a selfish nor snobby question — rather, it's a confidence builder. You are not going into the date asking, "What will they see in me?" which is a self-conscious, uphill battle. Instead, the focus is on getting your own needs met as the priority. By staying focused on yourself and the ways your date could be good for you, you'll stimulate confidence by reducing anxiety, allowing you to exude the best sides of you.
- Go Knowing You're Beautiful; Yes. Yes. Yes. This works. Approaching your date from the vantage point that you are beautiful facilitates another opportunity to see yourself in your best light. Therefore, emanate this mantra: "I. Am. Beautiful." Even if you don't believe it, even if you feel like you need to lose weight, your nose is awkwardly shaped, or your acne is acting up — never mind. To be sure, dress nicely and comfortably, and look as well as you can, because it will make YOU feel your best. Beyond that, bravely act as if you are confident. We all know plenty of people who are grossly obese and happily married to someone thin, and on the flip side, we know plenty of models who remain single. When you actively emanate beauty, you demonstrate confidence and give the beholder something to hold. Studies of attractiveness show that confidence and happiness trump physical beauty.
- Date With Your Heart And Your Head Simultaneously; Showing you think before you act is another display of confidence. You'll want to feel out the person both emotionally and rationally. Date them because you think you have similar goals and complementing interests. Date them because, again, you think they are good for you. Date them because they make you feel good about you. All of this equals love — but true love is not just a feeling; it's the effect of a thought process about what's best for you. Scientifically speaking, this means turning on the prefrontal cortex, and keeping it engaged well before you get physical, and therefore, emotionally attached. This takes courage, and it works!
Now that you have tools for going on blind dates with confidence, any anxiety whispers can be harnessed into these action steps. Courageously practicing these steps builds confidence, making this process easier and easier. Cheers!