Many of us have read The Secret and tried to use its principles to create the dating adventures and love relationship of our dreams. So we make affirmation after affirmation. After affirmation. There’s only one problem—they don’t seem to come true! This can get quite demoralizing and frustrating. Sometimes when you craft an affirmation and it fails to materialize you can get hopeless and truly down about your prospects, to the point of withdrawing from the whole dating scene altogether.
Yet research has repeatedly shown the power of positive self-talk, which is what most of us call affirmations. Research studies have shown that positive affirmations lower stress and anxiety levels and boost social confidence. And the great news is this: there is a way to create a love affirmation that will truly work! I call such an affirmation your Love Intention.
In my new book, Sealing the Deal: the Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, I describe two simple steps that will help your Love Intention actually manifest.
1. Craft Your Love Intention
So now ask yourself, what is your love intention? What is it that you would like to create in your relationship--whether you have been seeing someone for a few months or several years? Would you like to be engaged? Living together?
Establish a sense of we-ness, connection and deep trust? Would you like to create a relationship in which your partner truly gets you, listens to you? Where you have exciting plans for the future? Yes, you would? OK. What else? Would you like to be married and have children? Would you like to run off with your boyfriend and wind up going to Tuscany and painting your heart out? And luckily, he loves the idea of you doing it? Plus he thinks you're gifted artist?
Everyone has a different love intention. When you find an imagined state of affairs with images, sounds and feelings that are right for you it'll call to you. You'll feel it. Definitely. You’ll laugh or cry, or both. It's like, Oh, my goodness, that's exactly what I want. Build your love intention from this imagined state of affairs--from pure possibility, not with any idea of whether you can or cannot do it. Even if you feel that it is totally impossible!
A love intention is not what you spit out when friends ask you what you want in a relationship. It is an imaginative statement created AS IF THERE WERE NO LIMITS. The brain’s frontal lobe is activated when we strongly believe something. The brain sees what we believe as real. To get yourself into that state, make your love intention as a statement about your love life as if it were happening right now. This allows the brain to perform a mental rehearsal of what it expects to find out there in the world. It’s like a slalom skier who mentally rehearses going downhill around the gates without a fall or miss ‘til she crosses the finish line.