What Is YOUR Love Language?


What Is YOUR Love Language?
Dr. Adam Sheck, "The Passion Doctor" writes about the 5 Languages of Love.

What Is YOUR Love Language?
I’ve been working with couples for twenty years and a big part of my work is to serve as a “translator” for the couple. It often seems that they don’t speak each other’s language.

The issue seems to be much more than the simple “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” idea of the difference between the sexes. I work with many gay and lesbian couples as well, and EVERY couple seems to have a language barrier.

More from YourTango: Are Dominant, Attractive Men Better In Bed?

One model that seems to help is that of the idea first described by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts. In it, he explains that learning to speak your partner’s “love language” is a huge key to connecting. And I agree that connection (or lack of connection, actually) is the main issue that most couples enter my counseling office to address.

The five Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gift Giving, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Words of Affirmation

For some, words speak louder than actions, reversing the popular truism. In this love language, verbal compliments, words of kindness and encouragement are so very important. AND, when someone affirms us, we are often motivated to reciprocate!

Quality Time

In this love language, giving someone our full, undivided attention is heavenly! Unplugging from the Internet, cellphone, iPod, etc., demonstrates your love to them. Connecting through words and dialogue or through shared activities communicates love.

Receiving Gifts

This love language isn’t about materialism, it’s more about the effort and thought behind the gift that expresses love to your partner. Gestures “just because” are as important as honoring birthdays and anniversaries. And the gift of your presence is also important!

Acts of Service

Actions that make your partner’s life easier and relieve some of their burden fit under this language of love. Washing the car, taking out the garbage, changing a diaper, resetting the computer are all potential acts of service. They communicate love because they require thought, empathy, and effort.

Physical Touch

Affectionate touch, hugging, holding hands, caressing and gentle placing of hands are all part of this love language. It includes sexual touch yet is so much more as well. Tenderness as well as physical presence and accessibility can be comforts in this love language.

More from YourTango: Do Women Want To Be Ravished?

From these short descriptions, you can probably determine your primary language of love. And, you can probably assess what your partner’s is as well, though you can always ask!

And while we tend to speak from our primary love language, we may confuse or frustrate our partner when it is not their love language and they don’t quite understand what we are communicating. On the other side, if we want our partner to feel the love we are communicating, we might want to “translate” our message into their primary love language.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>