How Self-Discovery Can Transform Your Relationships


How Self-Discovery Can Transform Your Relationships
Conflicts? Painful professional or personal relationships? Use the magic of self-discovery


by Doris Helge, PhD. © 2012



The foundation of any happy relationship is a rich relationship with your Self. When you’re comfortable being 100 percent YOU, you live your values, so your life is always on-track. Because you don’t waste energy comparing yourself to other people, your inner critic takes a long snooze.

We are all hardwired to crave similar relationship goals.

  • Powerful, productive professional partnerships
  • Passionate romance fueled by a nurturing, loving, supportive relationship
  • Peaceful parenting in which each person is heard, respected, loved and validated

Unfortunately, most people are struggling to be comfortable living in their own skin. Some people struggle to people please. Because they go along to get along, their colleagues and partners don’t trust them. There is an instinctive awareness, “I can’t count on them not to sway whichever way the wind blows, just to stay upright, no matter what happens to the rest of us.”

Other knee-jerk responses when people feel unstable in a wobbly world also sabotage relationships. Some people who feel out of control try to micro-manage or manipulate other people. Others withdraw from social interactions. Some hoard essential information and resources. Others engage in addictive behaviors. Some play the blame-and-victim-game, “I’m a victim and you’re the cause of my unhappiness.”

On the other hand, when you steadily shine your authentic inner light, most people will be drawn to you like sailors lured to a lighthouse on a stormy night. Since so many people are struggling to discover their True Selves, most folks will be inspired by your example. They’ll sense that you’re living your values. You’ll be valued and validated just as you are.


You are the one person with whom you will spend the rest of your life.

Each time you elevate your self-awareness, you foster a new level of self-acceptance.

It’s never who you are
that holds you back.
It’s who you think you are.

Each of us possesses a True Self and a False Self. Your True Self is the essence of who you are, no matter what other people have told you about yourself. Unfortunately, your True Self is often overshadowed by Your False Self. This self-image includes erroneous negative perceptions and self-judgments.

You can easily tell the difference between the two. Since your True Self is the true you, when you are living that reality, you are more likely to experience the following.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Doris Helge, Ph.D., MCC


Master Relationship Coach, Doris Helge, Ph.D., was named "One of the Top Ten Coaches in America." Take advantage of her decades of experience with thousands of clients like you. See examples of testimonials posted by satisfied singles and couples at  

Location: All locations -- virtual coaching, WA
Credentials: CPC, MCC, MSW, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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