A Major Relationship Clue: Where Are Their Feet?


A Major Relationship Clue: Where Are Their Feet?
Feet are just Feet?

Asking you where your feet are and those of your partner may sound strange. This is
because we tend to think that feet are just feet, and don’t think about them much beyond
whether they are pretty, strong, or not. Well in truth, they have a lot more to say than that. In fact, they can help you understand the kind of person you are in a relationship with beneath all the verbiage and fancy maneuvering that people display. The reason that we miss recognizing this is that we are too focused on appearance and not the position that the feet are in.

There are three main positions in which we can place our feet, and each one is reflective of who an individual is in the world. Each of the positions has their own characteristics and way of relating to others. The first position consists of having two feet in and is indicative of people who have a real YES for the relationship that they are focused on and are fully committed to showing up from head to toe; mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The two- feet-in person is direct in her or his statements, demonstrates real clarity, and expresses what his intentions are so that there is no mystery. This person can be counted on and trusted, since he or she is willing to totally show up in the relationship. Unfortunately, this position in no way represents the majority of the relationship choices that one can make with their feet. So if you encounter a true two- feet- in person, take notice because you won’t see it very often.


The second position is two feet out. Here again, this person is totally committed to moving in a direction. The only difference from the first position is that this person is focused on moving away from you rather than moving towards you. Also, in contrast to the full yes of the first position, this stance is a full no. It too possesses the same clarity of intent as the first one, and therefore can be trusted as well. Now, many times people question and doubt when they hear a NO, but that is often because they don’t want to accept the loss that comes with a NO statement. This is reflected in the book for singles called “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Some of you might think that there are a lot of people who are capable of demonstrating the two feet out position. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most people who are saying NO do it passively or express it partially and indirectly. This is especially true in beginning dating. You will frequently hear expressions such as “I’m busy,” “I’m not sure”, “It’s a bad time,” or “I’m out of town.” Or you might also experience phone calls not returned, the person showing up late, as well as people who hide through texting. Any and all of this will leave you confused and obsessing about the other person’s real intentions, as to whether the relationship is trulyending. On the other hand, if your date is someone who states a clear no, treasure it regardlessof the reason, because it will prove to be a rare event.

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Doctor Bruce Derman


Bruce Derman, Ph.D.


The great thing about my books is they provide you with a core understanding of relationship based on my 43 years of being a psychotherapist. They teach you how to move through your impasses without spending countless hours in therapy with the wrong therapist.                         

Location: Woodland Hills, CA
Credentials: PhD
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