How To Kiss Like A Lover – Not A Dog


How To Kiss Like A Lover
An analysis of the 6 kinds of terrible kissers in the world.

What does a woman want from a man? Kissing. Damn good kissing and lots of it. Amazing kissing can lead to getting a second date, incredible sexual tension, full-blown arousal, the possibility of getting a girlfriend and even a wife.

I've done my fair share of kissing, and I would judge a whopping 80% of men that I have kissed seemed to have no idea how to do it right. To confirm whether or not I've just had bad luck, I interviewed a crew of single, queer, married and taken ladies. The women (whose names have been changed to protect them and their paramours) don't seem to be quite as negative as me.


Dreama, who has been married for years and has kissed approximately 80 men, says 20% were bad kissers and 80% were good kissers. Molly, who is queer and single, has kissed a couple hundred people and says 90% were good and 10% bad. Penelope has also kissed hundreds of men and is now in a loving monogamous relationship. She estimates 70% good and 30% bad. Julie, a now-married gal who has kissed about 50 men, feels she has experienced 75% good and 25% bad.

According to their digits, it seems like I'm very picky or have just kissed way too many tailless amphibians who give either too much tongue or not enough. When a man sees a women wipe off her face with her sleeve, I wonder if he has any idea she is thinking, "Ewww gross?" Or does he actually take it as a good sign? 

There is a need for people to learn how to kiss properly to start good relationships and keep the passion going once they are in full swing. Even if only 10% of people on the planet are crumby kissers that still means there are over 700 million wretched kissers out there. They prey on unsuspecting victims: their dates, lovers and partners. It's an epidemic of the worst kind and something has got to be done about it. There are over 200 videos on YouTube on how to kiss, which each have millions of views, so that makes me think that there is hope for women.

As a former scientist turned dating, love and relationship investigator, kissing is something that I am very passionate about. And there is no reason for anyone in the world to put up with mediocre kissing. I did that one too many times in my life, but there's no one to blame because I didn't do anything about it. Now I am a little wiser.

If you are looking for a mate and you are good kisser, you are one step ahead of the bad kissers. Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University stated, "A kiss is a mechanism for mate assessment," so if you keep on kissing like your neighbor's dog, you may be single for a while.

You can communicate the way you feel about someone with your lips, your breath and your tongue. If you are an awful kisser, you are letting your date know that you haven't done your homework and she will think you have no idea how to please her between the sheets. Bad kissing can lead to no second date, no romance, no arousal and even worse, no sex. Yikes. Here are the worst kissing types my friends and I have encountered; beware these practices, gentlemen, if you don't want to scare your lady away forever.

  1. The Prober This guy is using his tongue to check your mouth for cavities. 
  2. The Janitor The guy who treats your face like a dirty floor that needs to be mopped. If you see him again, invest in a really good face wash.
  3. The Lizard It's in — now it's out! This guy thinks that kissing is competitive sport and the more he darts his tongue in and out of your mouth, the more you will like him. Um, no.
  4. The Blue Whale He's afraid of the inside of your mouth so just tries to lick the outside of it. Or maybe your lipstick just tastes really good?
  5. The Sahara He appears to have been born without saliva. God only knows how he's going to be at other, ahem, activities. 
  6. The Bully Mastiff He didn't eat enough at dinner and wants to chew your lips and/or face off. 

Ok, so enough of the bad. What do women want in a kiss? Here are some kissing tips that will make the ladies swoon.

  1. Keep fresh. Especially if you've gone out for Indian food together, you want to keep your breath minty. Bad breath is a serious turn-off. If you can't sneak away for a quick brush keep a pack of gum in your pocket or in your car. She will really appreciate it. What could have been a good kiss can be a complete turn-off if you've got dog breath.
  2. Lead with your breath. Breathe a little on her neck and pull away first. This will build anticipation and show her that you can control yourself. You can brush her hair behind her shoulder (if she has long hair), or put you hands on her face while you breathe in her yummy woman bouquet. Notice the smell of her hair and her skin and don't move too fast.
  3. Lick your lips. When you go in for the kiss, moisten up first, but not too much. A little chap stick never hurt anybody either.
  4. Less is more (especially in the beginning). Kiss her lips gently.
  5. Pay attention. Listen to her breathing and be aware of what she is doing. Is she taking deeper breaths or trying to pull away from you? If she is pushing you away, things aren't working out.
  6. Mimic the woman's moves. If she is receptive she will give you body language clues. Her body might start moving, she might try to get closer to you or put her arms around your body. If she opens her mouth, do the same.
  7. If she seems open to your tongue, use it gently. A woman's mouth is usually smaller than a man's mouth and she can feel overwhelmed by your tongue easily.
  8. If she is receptive...Keep doing what you're doing and follow her cues.

Pay attention to what she likes and the way she kisses and you will be well on your way to getting the love you want.

If you are unsure of the dating world, are nervous around women, or are afraid you aren't a good-enough lover, I can help. The best way to change your love life is to learn what women want and change yourself to be the very best lover you can be, and who better to learn from than a woman? Contact me for your free consultation.

More on How To Kiss on YourTango: 

Dating 101: How To Know He Wants To Kiss You
Kissing 101: 6 Steps To The Perfect Smooch
How To Kiss: 4 Types Of Kisses Men Love

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dina Z Colada

Dating Coach

Get my FREE eBook "Stop Pushing Men Away & Get The EPIC Love You Want," when you sign up for my EPIC Love Newsletter. If you are ready to magentize men instead of making them run away don't wait another minute, get your copy today!

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