Marrying Under The Influence


Marrying Under The Influence
Ever wonder if you picked the right partner? Gender differences play a big role.



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A recent survey indicated that two thirds of all divorces are initiated by the woman. This would suggest that women are prone to discontentedness more than their male counterparts. Right? Actually wrong. It’s a testament to the frustration of a much more common problem. We women tend to live in an unconscious world where we operate our fast paced, multitasking lives on autopilot, neglectful of our own needs. These necessary emotional and fundamental requirements also change when we transition from being single to being a couple, and then again with motherhood.

Journey back to the day when you met your beloved, or if you’re divorced or separated, the day you met your ex. Research suggests your basic need may have been hormonal and not companionship. Your DNA’s primal instinct was to find the right mate. You see, nature doesn’t care if you’re fulfilled with your soul mate; nature equipped you to procreate. At this point, unbeknownst to you, your sense of smell, which is about ten times greater than a man’s, scoured the room for the perfect pheromones secreted by your guy’s testosterone.

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Ever wonder if you found the right partner? Try this little experiment: Stop using lotions, perfumes, and scented shampoos and have your guy temporarily discontinue use of deodorants and cologne for two days without showering. If you discover yourself turned on by your partner’s natural oils and pheromones, then you have chemistry. If the scent bothers you, it may be poor chemistry. Another test for finding compatible chemistry between two people: Do you like the taste of your partner’s mouth when you kiss sans the gum and mints? Chemical incompatibility will reveal itself through saliva. Get this: Our cave women ancestors collected data through a kiss and processed the man’s gene pool in several seconds to determine the right sperm donor for her offspring.

After you found the pheromone match nature needed to get you mating, guess what she did? She drugged you. Dopamine in the pleasure centers of your brain eliminated your temporary need for sleep and food, caused compulsive behaviors, depleted your serotonin levels, and landed you in an emotionally vulnerable state. The brain at this stage is incapable of processing any negativity. Whether you married or not, as time passed, you and your honey probably engaged in intercourse where the drugging unwittingly worsened. The same bonding hormone released during childbirth, oxytocin, intoxicated you, fooling you into thinking you’re in love. Your guy released vasopressin, which also fooled him, but only for about two days.

You literally became blind to your partner’s faults, poor habits, finances, family, your own insufficient knowledge, compatibility issues, overdependence on this person, and worst, the fundamentals needed for your own personal happiness. Remember our cave dwelling ancestors weren’t interested in personal fulfillment, and unfortunately we are still operating off that same gene pool.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Denise Wade

Marriage Educator

        Denise Wade Ph.D.,CMRC

Location: Philadelphia, PA
Credentials: PhD
Specialties: Anger Management, Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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