What is it about the "have to's" that get us so dug in sometimes we sabotage ourselves?
The have to's in life are not those things we celebrate doing, although they could be! They are not those things we want to do, or better said, they are not at the top of our to do list. But, the have to's are often the things that deserve and require our undivided attention as they are the details standing between what we would like to have done, so we could enjoy the results of our efforts, and those things that remain incomplete.
Where do we get such resistance to the have to's in life? I have come to understand that it all starts with our childhood, that very first time we absolutely had to do something, whether we liked it or not. How about the peas on our plate that we really didn't like at all, but we had to eat them or we couldn't leave the table. How about the homework that we had to do, that stood between us and playing with our friends. The hand-me-downs we had to wear, or the fact that we had to wake up and go to school! Maybe some of us grew to love school, but I guarantee that very first time you had to go, there was some fear involved.
Our relationship to the have to's didn't stop there either. As we got older we had more that we had to do. Chores, babysitting, helping out with the whatever needed our help, going to events we had no interest in and so forth. Is it any wonder we developed a bit of a rebellious attitude? Can any of us deny the moment we thought, "I can't wait until no one can tell me what to do anymore" and marveled in the concepts of never "having to" do anything we didn't want to do again?
Sweet freedom eventually found us and away we went, not even realizing that we had made a quiet commitment to ourselves that we would resist ever having to do something ever again. And there's the rub, our rebellious inner self digging our heels in, in the face of our have to's leaving us to struggle and procrastinate. The energy of struggle and procrastination feeding into the reality of not wanting to do what has to get done and the cycle has begun.
The hard truth is, there will always be have to's in life. However, we don't have to fight with ourselves and keep ourselves at odds because of this. What it we could just give ourselves permission to see whatever it is we are having to do, in the moment we are having to do it, as a step towards the best things in life? Maybe we could graciously allow ourselves to take care of what needs to get down effortlessly and with joy! What a concept.
What if the have to's in life could become the stepping stones to massive success? Often they are the very things that will lead us to the promised land, if we just give ourselves permission to get them done. The promise land being the metaphor for whatever lies beyond struggle and procastination!
Realize that you are not a child being told what to do any longer: that you don't have to go somewhere you don't want to go, or do something you don't want to do—really you don't—and that you are actually the one in charge.
Reframe your have to's with the results of your actions. Allow yourself to make the choice between having, or not having what you desire, consciously. Understand that while that rebellious part of you may still be around from time to time, it will get a lot happier the more forward momentum you gain in life and it wouldn't hurt to let that part of your nature enjoy a little fun every now and then!
The have to's in life are really just the steps to get you from where you are right now to where you want to be. If you are somewhere you don't want to be, then you will have to do something about that, and the best part is, you can. You may even benefit from a lifecoach reinforcing this concept to you.
Look at it this way: none of us actually has to do anything, but we may not like the results we are left with. We have a choice. We can get the have to's handled and out of the way and start having some fun!
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