Is your "Inner" Relationship Expert Keeping You Single?


Is your "Inner" Relationship Expert Keeping You Single?
The mind-chatter that drives your dating decisions is working against you.

When dating, you are faced with many different opinions from dating advice bloggers, books, reality TV stars, friends and family. You take it all in but, when you are about to make a decision, the one voice you end up following is the relationship expert in your mind.

I know, you must be thinking, “Cool, I have a relationship expert in my head?” Well, don’t get too excited because this mind-chatter that makes your love decisions is actually an expert at keeping you single.


That inner chatter that convinces you to go back to the one who treated you badly or tells you to make that late night lonely call to the guy you just met.  This voice is the worst relationship coach ever! Why? Because what it has been telling you isn’t working. You are still single.

Sometimes that inner voice has a nice spiritual tone to her. She tells you “everything happens for a reason” and says your ex has bad karma and that you will be rewarded for all the pain he caused. She gently gets you off the hook from putting yourself out there because it isn’t the right time. She’ll even justify you staying with someone because this person is your soul mate, even though they don’t seem interested in you.

This inner coach will tell you wild stories about why he hasn’t called and blame it all on you. It will have you review every comment and action on your date to dissect where things went wrong. It will make you feel bad and tell you that you always do this, you are too needy and you will always be alone.  But you listen and believe her.

The truth is that your inner relationship coach is ruled by your ego. Its primary goal is to keep you in the status quo. It will sabotage anything good and lead you to relationships that will repeat the same pattern. The advice seems so logical but it is love mutiny in disguise.

The best thing you can do is fire this inner relationship expert. Tell her that you no longer need her services. Then, you start asking questions to a deeper part of you.

The answers you get will be quite different of what you have been acting upon. It may even feel uncomfortable and that is a good thing because you know there is only comfort in remaining the same.

Find your true love guru that is closer to your heart than your head, deep in your subconscious mind. There is a stillness and peace within your being that you can access and get answers without words. You know you have the love guru when the answer is a calm, feeling of certainty of what you need to do.

The true love guru is not in a hurry for love or doesn’t feel anxiety or fear about being single. She leads you through the obstacles that are hiding away your heart for love. She already sees you in love with your ideal man and she is living in joyous anticipation for your meeting. She believes in love and in you.

There is a love expert inside of you, but you have been fooled by a surface imitation. Find the real deal, get the real truth about how amazing you are and find a partner that matches your awesomeness.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: CHT
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