Why does this keep happening to me? Dealing with upsets in dating


Why does this keep happening to me? Dealing with upsets in dating
Instead of freaking out when things go off track. Use the upsets to steer you toward great love.

During your search for love and self growth, you have some good days where you feel like you are getting closer than ever and then, there are those ugly days where you feel like you fell into a dark pit. The biggest lie you have been told is the idea of a magical quick fix, and when things get a little tough, you may panic as if you are screwing up terribly in the process.

When you have a setback you may immediately feel like a victim and wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" You have been doing great work, trying to improve yourself, and "Why is life throwing me this right now? Why did he leave? Why didn’t that relationship work out? What is wrong with me?"


First, you have to remember that all set-backs are temporary and a valuable part of the consciousness growth process. You don't move in a gradual uphill motion, your growth looks more like a corkscrew. Sometimes you have to take one step back in order to propel you three steps forward.

If you don't see a setback as an opportunity, you will stay stuck and feel sorry for yourself. Worse, you will give up and go back into your old life. There is a quote that I heard recently that said, "Pain is temporary. If you quit, however, it will last forever."

Ask the question with curiosity instead of fear, "Why is this happening?" and expect the answer to be for your growth. Instead of trying to re-engineer regrets over past actions, welcome the opportunity just as it is and learn from it. Everything, I repeat everything, that comes into your life is to HELP you. Even the crappy stuff.

Why do we need crappy things to happen? Because it is the only way we can see where we are off track. Just like our body shows us pain when we've strained our muscles or don't get enough food, our minds reflect back to us the parts that are in the way of our goals.

The emergency broadcast system of upset is highly active when we set an intention and start moving toward a goal. The challenges are telling you, "Hey, you want love, well this is the way. Deal with this and we can move forward to giving you want you want." Each time you LEARN from the setback and use that energy, you propel three times faster. You get more jet fuel for love.

Sadly, most people are taught to clear negativity, remove blockages with magical cures and then people stay stuck because they don't learn from it. They just numb it away like aspirin on their headache. You cannot destroy or remove anything, so if you judge it as bad, you are actually suppressing it deeper into your shadow and it will show up again in another problem.

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Ideally, you want to transform it the first time so you aren't building up more shadow and drawing into your life an even larger issue. Yikes. This energy will keep pressing forward so you can use it or it will drag you around your life and run your relationships. Then, it will seem like you are constantly healing yourself and nothing is changing. Does that sounds familiar?

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
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Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
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