There is only one man you need to understand to find true love


There is only one man you need to understand to find true love
Every man is different, so generic rules won't help you find true love. There's a better way...

When I was 26 years old, I attended an inspiring workshop for women given by a man about men and relationships. This was before that mars book came out so it was totally new information for me. I left empowered thinking that I had all the knowledge and I would finally be able to have a great relationship – I had figured men out.

Still single fifteen years later, I realized just knowing about men and how to act was not the key to my success in love. I had the rules down, I knew how to flirt and I was an online dating master. There was never a shortage of men in my life but the problem was that I was following rules to attract an average unconscious guy who wasn’t my ideal match, not my extraordinary love.

More from YourTango: Pop Your Comfort Bubble & Open Up To Love

What turned my love life around wasn’t learning the secrets of men in general, but to get to know just one man – my Inner Adam™. This powerful part of your psyche is like a file that keeps all of your interactions with the opposite sex, starting with your father, brothers, uncles, male classmates, first love, and all romantic relationships. Once I transformed this inner man to match my ideal of love, I was able to attract my ideal partner who mirrored what I truly wanted.

Everyone is different and there can be no rule that fits all men or all women. Some dating advice is for the people who aren’t looking for a conscious relationship. There is nothing wrong with just wanting the ordinary marriage, but you are probably not one of those people who fall into a one-size-fits-all dating category. You are unique and amazing and your ideal partner is just like you – extraordinary.

Men have an Inner Eve™ that brings them their perfect match like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together. You think you are attracted to someone because of his or her looks or personality, but the truth is that you are unconsciously drawn to their inner opposite as they are to you. Each puzzle piece is different and as complex as the human mind.

More from YourTango: The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner

Most relationships do not last or are filled with drama because these two unconscious parts are related to each other with all of their unmet needs and emotional imbalances. People are typically drawn by this “chemistry” which is not actually love but the explosion of hurt and pain can be very powerful and often disguised as romantic feelings. You cannot change these unmet needs by having a great online profile or acting appropriately on dates so the man calls you again. For true love, you have to dive a little deeper.

When I changed my relationship with my father, it was such a deep change in dynamics that it blew apart the old paradigm of my Inner Adam. Instead of fearing emotional intimacy with men, I was able to open my heart with honest, direct communication and have the experience of having them acknowledged. It felt to me like my little girl finally got that hug from her daddy that she yearned for her entire life. I was unconsciously seeking this approval from every man and now the perpetual cycle of heartache was broken.

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Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

Pop Your Comfort Bubble & Open Up To Love


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The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner


Do you keep attracting the non-committal man or woman? You can see a pattern, but feel like the cause is outside of you. You blame your love problems on or the city that you live in or the men or women your age, but the reason you don't have your true partner isn't about any of those things. The answer for your loneliness is unconscious and, ... Read more

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