Love Problems? Never Run From The Issue, Solve It


Love Problems? Never Run From The Issue, Solve It
We often want to "heal" our heartaches, but they are the key to finding your true love

Decades of dating and I had the wrong approach to finding my true love. I got into personal development and healing because I was searching for a solution to my single problem. Every time an upset, horrible breakup or blow-off occurred, I was always seeking to escape the heartache by trying to find a healing technique to soothe the pain. This process actually delayed my love’s arrival because I was kicking away the solution along with the problem.

When I grew tired of running away in fear of my inability to confront my father and actually faced him in an honest conversation, a new door of opportunity to love opened for me. The other side not only contained a deeper relationship with my father that I cherished for the last 5 years of his life, but it removed the wall I placed between me and all men so I can let my true love in.


For years, I thought the solution was finding my man. If I could just find the right person, then all of these problems, insecurities and feelings of loneliness would go away. It was the biggest lie I told myself and kept me single way too long.

Since I have been coaching, I have witnessed my clients and customers do something similar. They get frustrated when problems arise in their love life thinking they are doing it all wrong when actually they are so close to the solution. Instead of looking at the problem or obstacle as an opportunity, they run from it or find a way to suppress it, which only gives the problem more power to return again.

I always think of a problem as a solution knocking at your door. First it knocks lightly and waits. Then, the knocking gets louder and more persistent. Until finally, it is almost breaking down the door when you get to the point where you are forced to deal with it. Some call that the dark night of the soul.

Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich describes the “sly disguises of opportunity” that are often overlooked because they come in the form of something unpleasant. When you have a higher desire for a new experience, it is like your mind shines a bright light on all of the things that are out of alignment with your vision. The problems aren’t there to hurt you, but rather to show you the way to the solution.

So the next time the guy you liked stopped calling or you see your ex with a new woman on his arm, follow the emotional upset that accompanies the problem. Instead of trying to clear it away, be present to it and listen to its wisdom. This feeling is a knock at the door, trying to reach you and teach you.

The emotional upset is THE KEY to why you don’t have love in your life. True power is making yourself bigger than any problem that arises. You don’t have to reduce your problems but become larger than them so they aren’t pulling you around and about a whirlwind any longer. You can approach them with wisdom and clarity from a grounded, adult place.

Once you realize that these problems are gifts from the divine, you will start to be excited when they show up. Then life isn’t a struggle to make everything nice but a delicious journey to expand your consciousness to realize your true divine unlimited self.


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This article was originally published at Attract Love Coach. Reprinted with permission.

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Debi Berndt


Debi Berndt is the co-founder of, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: CHT
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