Do you need a Love Detox from your ex?

By

Do you need a Love Detox from your ex?

Unless you met your true love in high school, there is probably a good chance that you have felt the blow of rejection in your dating life. Heartache seems to be part of the love-finding process, a rite of passage so to speak.

I get emails every day from women and men who are pining for their old love, they can’t get him or her out of their mind. Helpless, they feel as though they will never be happy again unless that person comes back into their life. It is always the same story; the person they are holding on to simply doesn’t love them back. I hear the excuse from some of my customers, “I cannot let go because I LOVE him!”

To put it quite bluntly, if you have feelings for an ex who doesn’t reciprocate it is not love…it is infatuation. If you truly loved this person you would want him or her to be happy regardless of whether it was with you or not. Wanting someone who doesn’t want you back is a reflection of your own lack of self-love. In essence, the strong feelings you have toward your ex is more about your ego trying to feel better about you again. The mind tries to fool you into believing that your ex holds the key to your self-worth and happiness.

Regardless of the kind of connection you once shared or deep conversations you had during your courtship, you have to face the reality of what is occurring in the present. Looking back to justify your feelings of “the way we were” is another way your mind will keep you from letting go and moving on to someone who wants to be with you. Frequently, women and men use their pain over a breakup to hide out from real love as a sort of comfort zone. The dull ache and longing is more predictable and safe rather than the risk of finding something true. Don’t be too hard on yourself if this applies to you because I know from personal experience how difficult it is to let go. The conditioned human mind has a strong influence over your feelings and actions. Humans constantly have mistaken external people and things as the source of their happiness and self-worth.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt

Author

Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

Feeling That Crazy Chemistry? Watch Out! It May Be A Red Flag

By

Finding love should be as easy as following your feelings. If you look for chemistry, you cannot make a mistake, right? Wrong. The truth about default chemistry is that it is not related to love at all. If you are centering your love decisions on this feeling, you are sure to be heartbroken. Chemistry is what everyone is searching for in a partner. You ... Read more

Why You Must Stop Believing The Alpha Male Hype

By

The dating world is flooded with this idea of how to get an alpha male and how to be an alpha male. While the "alpha" concept on the surface seems reasonable, you want a confident person and attract a confident person but I believe this advice can lead to heartache for both men and women. The people who teach this don’t realize that there is ... Read more

Afraid You'll Never Find Love? Get Over It

By

Do you feel that no matter what you do, nothing seems to work out for you in your love life? The years are passing and you fear that you will be spending the rest of your life alone. Sometimes the fear is so great that you break down and get triggered after a bad date or someone you liked fell away. Your fearful ego is driving your efforts and, instead of ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular