Are you afraid of being alone or afraid of being loved?
Are you afraid of being alone and single? Do you wonder if the search for true love will ever be over? Do you obsess over the idea, "what if I never meet anyone?" Most singles say being alone scares them and they fear never meeting that special person. The unconscious mind, however, is always moving you away from what you fear and trying to keep you in your comfort zone, so if you are alone you aren't afraid of being alone. You may fear the opposite — finding true love.
Of course being afraid of love sounds a little strange to you; it just doesn't make sense that someone would fear a great relationship. The unconscious doesn't direct your will based on logic, only emotion. If having a healthy, loving relationship is not familiar to you, the unconscious mind will fear it and will use your will to keep you from stepping outside of your comfort zone.
In the Creative Love process we talk about the "comfort bubble" that everyone has developed around them. Everyone has their own level of comfort when it comes to taking risks on opening their heart and connecting with people, and some are more open than others. When you are not used to being in a close, intimate relationship, your comfort bubble is pretty thick. You have a hard time letting down your guard and letting someone love you.
The interesting thing about this bubble is when you meet the unavailable person. You feel the most chemistry with the one who is always avoiding connecting with you. You are comfortable with them because they never threaten your bubble. You can have all these great feelings, but never have to worry about them stepping over in your personal space.
The problem is that you consciously believe you are going for love, but your deeper mind already knows you are safe with an unavailable person. You get addicted to that high of infatuation and keep going back for more (even with the same person, repeatedly, over time).
You say you are afraid of being alone, but your comfort bubble likes to be in its safe cocoon. There must be a fear that is bigger than being alone running your love life and that is the fear of emotional intimacy.
For someone who doesn't have a history of being in healthy relationships (probably 90% of the planet), the idea of allowing someone truly in your heart, and staying with you forever, can be a frightening proposition. Your survival depended on this comfort bubble that you created, and you really are unsure as to what to do without it.
Instead of fretting about being alone forever, look at your fear of getting close to someone. Write down all the fears associated with finding someone great and the relationship lasting for a lifetime. What would you have to face within yourself to be so open and vulnerable to another person in a lasting relationship?
You will discover why you have been creating this "being alone" for so long and finally decide differently. You can then have the choice to step into the unfamiliar ground of a loving relationship and have what you really want. Once you make the decision to face this fear, different partners will appear to give you an opportunity to break through and open your heart to great love.
More commitment advice on YourTango:
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