ProConnect

5 Signs You Are Addicted To Being Single

By

5 Signs You Are Addicted To Being Single

Being single may seem like a ridiculous thing to be addicted to, especially when you really want to find true love. Not all singles are unhappy or want to find love. For those of you want to get out of the dating pool, know that the workings of the mind are not all logical and you could find yourself locked into the single life as strong as you are attached to a sugary dessert.

If you have been on the market for a while, there is a level of comfort that comes with the familiar. The unknown path of being a couple is not appealing to the subconscious mind simply because the experience is different. To the deep-feeling mind, sameness equals safe and different means dangerous. Just like any addiction, the ties of habit are too light to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. The longer time you spend out of a relationship, the stronger the bond to the status quo becomes for you. No matter how much you try to convince yourself you want love, the force of the subconscious mind will resist.

You can ask anyone who has tried to quit smoking. They tell you how much they hate it, but keep returning the strange comfort of the smoky air filling their lungs. The behavior doesn’t make sense but persists, just like the draw to remaining single. Instead of being obvious, your mind will create obstacles to your goal and can be very sneaky. At times, you may hear yourself justify your single-dom or the reasons why you dumped that Harvard lawyer because his hair was parted on the wrong side. All of these rationalizations are created by your mind to keep your single habit going. Here are five signs that you may be addicted to being single:

1. Feeling that no one is good enough. The opposite sex is too old, too fat, too young, too poor, a bad dresser, has a weird voice, etc. Being super-picky ensures that you won’t find anyone because no one is perfect. Ever wonder why Jerry Seinfeld stayed single all those years? He was addicted.

2. Always attracted to the Unavailable Ones. If it always feels as though the only people you want to be with are the ones who don’t want anything to do with you, there’s a problem. How can you want love but chase the ones who don’t? It doesn’t make logical sense so you know that your habit is in full swing.

3. Being the social butterfly. Filling up your calendar with social events with the guys or girls and pretending to look for love is ineffective. Your actions appear to be making an attempt but you know deep inside you are really not ready to meet Mr. Right when there are plenty of parties to attend.

4. Addicted to Work. The opposite of the social butterfly, if you get too busy with your job or business, you don’t allow any room for social time. It is great to be ambitious, but some people bury themselves in work to avoid the intimacy of a romantic relationship.

5. Hiding Out. Attending speed dating events or dating online can be an uncomfortable situation for some singles. Going out and dating takes you out of your comfort zone. You don’t want to do all the work but it also could just be another excuse for avoiding real romance.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Debi Berndt

Author

Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:

Pop Your Comfort Bubble & Open Up To Love

By

Are you afraid of being alone and single? Do you wonder if the search for true love will ever be over? Do you obsess over the idea, "what if I never meet anyone?" Most singles say being alone scares them and they fear never meeting that special person. The unconscious mind, however, is always moving you away from what you fear and trying to keep you ... Read more

The Real Reason You Haven't Found Your Perfect Partner

By

Do you keep attracting the non-committal man or woman? You can see a pattern, but feel like the cause is outside of you. You blame your love problems on Match.com or the city that you live in or the men or women your age, but the reason you don't have your true partner isn't about any of those things. The answer for your loneliness is unconscious and, ... Read more

You're Never Too Old For True Love!

By

Every holiday season brings about anticipation for the new year. But it isn't all exciting: For single people, the upcoming year, or the thought of celebrating another birthday alone, can cause a great deal of stress and pressure to find "the one" before they get any older. Do you have a love deadline based on your age? Just like the number on ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Brain

A big astrological shift is taking place this coming week...

  If you've ever read my newsletters, then you've probably noticed that I talk ...

Happy Wedding Day

Create the Wedding You Want Part 2

You can create the wedding you want without spending your pension! Here are some ways to do it!

Distant Woman

Tips For Getting Back in the Saddle After a Breakup

Recently suffered a breakup? Keep these things in mind and you'll be on your way to healing.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS