Sexual Boredom in The Marriage Bed, How Do I Fix It

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Sexual Boredom in The Marriage Bed, How Do I Fix It
Both men and women can experience sexual boredom in marriage, but often times don't talk about it

One of the most difficult issues to talk about in marriage is sexual boredom with your spouse; most couples are not open with one another and get embarrassed to even broach the subject.

When sex gets boring in the marriage bed, it can cause problems in other areas of the marriage. There are a few reasons why the sex does get boring and what you can do about it.

As a clinical sexologist, I work with couples to improve the sex in their marriage. It is always so amazing to me how once the sex gets better in the marriage most other problems go away. The closeness that intimate sex can bring a couple will affect all aspects of the marriage.

One common problem that may occur is that sex becomes a duty, or just expected. When this happens sex becomes a chore rather than an intimate pleasurable experience between two people.

The second mistake that many couples make is the lack of importance that they put on the sex in marriage, it takes last place to everything else. Making the sex better in a relationship needs to be placed as an important priority. Sex is the one area that a couple can connect with one another in a way that is personal and intimate to them.

The third problem is when couples think that because they are married now the sex is just going to happen. This is far from reality in many marriages, in fact statics quote that after the first year of marriage sex decreases by half.

Some of the solutions that I help couples with in my practice is to understand that sexual intimacy is what makes it a marriage, not just roommates. When two people get married they have an idea in their mind what sex should be like and how often they would like to have it, but neglect to share that information with their spouse. Often time’s couples will just fall into a routine; this can be a sex killer. One way to change the routine and make sex fun and exciting again is to take turns in the bedroom. This would consist of making the sex special, when it is the man's turn to initiate sex he is in control of the experience, when it is the woman's turn to initiate sex she is in control.
This also helps to take the pressure off of one person always having to ask for sex, along with breaking out of a routine. I often tell couples to start this process off twice a week where each person takes turns at creating the sexual intimacy in the bedroom and asking for sex. The outcome is worth the time and energy spent into making the sex in the marriage a priority!


 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Dawn Michael

Sex Therapist

Dawn Michael PhD ACS

Location: Westlake Village, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, PhD
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