So how much do you value your vagina? No, I’m not about to auction your vagina on eBay. But it seems that every day, women are auctioning their vaginas on the online dating sites. I’ve been doing a ton of research lately because I’m working on a new online dating program for women, and I’ve realized that women really think their vagina is, as MasterCard says, priceless. It’s amazing. I was playing around on Tinder the other day, and a woman emails me back. I’m going to read you the exact message she sent me.
She begins, “Not to sound pretentious, but I want a wealthy man that works hard and loves his job. I want to be able to stay at home, and work on my art career and travel. If children happen, I’ll be the one to raise them. We should really meet this week.”
I’m thinking, “Really? We should meet this week? I’m not looking for someone else to put on my payroll. I’m not looking for a new employee. I’m looking for a partner.”
Then she says, “You’ve never had a woman like me.”
Really? I’ve lived 50 years on this planet, I’m sure I’ve had, and passed on a ton of women like you.
I get a kick out of women like this. Why do you auction your vagina to the highest bidder? Usually when you find a man that wants to bid on a vagina, he isn’t that deep. He’s usually using money as his calling card. He usually sucks in bed, and you’re going to have a lonely, loveless life with him.
I can tell you for a fact, no authentic, strong, powerful, successful man, is actually going to jump at the chance to date a woman like that. No real man is going to buy the affections of some woman he’s never met, and has no spark or chemistry with.
Some of you women amaze me. Do you really think a vagina entitles you to a free ride in life? In fact, I was thinking of putting a dating profile up for myself that says, “My penis is worth at least $2M. Start bidding. You’ve never had a penis like mine. You’ve never had sex like mine.
I like to fly first class. I like to stay in really nice hotels, and I want to be with a woman that’s happy to support my lifestyle while I sit at home and draw pictures in my coloring book.
It doesn’t matter whether or not I sell any pictures in this coloring book of mine. I want a woman that will support me in my dream to be the best coloring book artist in the world. If we have puppies or kittens I’ll take care of them, but I expect you to hire a maid to clean out the kittie litter, because I don’t want to ruin my talented hands. I’m currently working on my new “Frozen” coloring book. I’m hoping to sell some of the pictures there.
Oh and I expect us to be in love, and you’re going to work hard. You’re going to work hard all day, and then you’re going to come home and pay attention to me all night long. I’m going to be very needy because I’m a little depressed nobody is buying my coloring books right now.
Trust me it will be worth your while though, because my penis is amazing. You’re going to get a ton of miles out my penis. So, you need to be rich because my penis is worth at least $1M to $2M a year.”