Lately it seems I've written a lot about the importance of surrendering to what life gives us. It's something I feel very strongly about, and I know it's a concept that could change your lives for the better. What is it all about?
I've been in the dating business for two decades, and during that time, I've seen my part in the industry evolve a few times. When I got started in the business, I was the guy who taught men how to meet women. I was the guy who was there for anyone suffering with nerves or a lack of social skills. I was the guy they turned to when they didn't know how to talk to women.
Then as time went by and I interviewed women about men, I realized so many of you struggle to understand the way men think and feel. Before long I started to coach women, and help them to understand the simplicities of men and how we act in relationships.
Years have gone by, and I'd like to think I'm now wiser and smarter than I was when I started out, and recently I've embraced how important it is to surrender to life and what it gives us. Surrendering to life is what got me to where I am today, and learning to surrender, even when I didn't want to, is the key to my happiness.
I'm sure my daughter coming into my life made me realize this. See, to begin with, I felt having a child was taking away the freedom I thought I wanted. Now, even when I'm free, I still think to myself, "I'd rather be with my daughter, sharing my love and learning all the beautiful lessons she has for me."
I surrendered to the path life took me on, rather than concentrating on what I thought it had taken from me. My daughter completely changed the path my life was on, but she took me onto a path that has led to my ultimate happiness. If I hadn't surrendered to her, goodness knows where I'd be now. Now in life, I surrender 100% of the time. I surrender to whatever opportunities come my way, and whoever comes my way. I understand that life takes us on whatever path we're meant to be on.
Even when it feels like you're going the wrong way, or you're convinced your path is right, life will ultimately give us what we're meant to have. This principle is the key to love and happiness, and teaches us how important it is to surrender and let go when we know a relationship isn't right for us.
Letting someone go is one of the hardest things we can do in relationships, but learning when enough is enough is so important.
How many times have you tried to change a man you dated, because he didn't quite fit your idea of perfect? How many of you have forced yourself to stay in a relationship that didn't feel right because the guy was an ideal match for the fairytale you had in your head? How many times have you found yourself stuck with a man you knew wasn't right for you? How many times have you said to yourself, "If I just give him time, he'll change? If I treat him even better, he'll love me more and won't cheat again."
How often do those relationships go the distance?
He still acts the same, he still gives you the same excuses, and the relationship still feels as bad as it always has. Still you stick with him because you're certain your fairytale will come true. Instead, you should surrender to the fact you'll never be right together.
You have to learn to let go of the fairytales you have in your head sometimes, when you know it isn't right for you. And trying to change someone to turn them into the man you want them to be, is another very dangerous thing to do. Surrender to life telling you that they're not right for you, and move on.
Ending a relationship that isn't working is hard. You have invested time and emotions into someone and you don't want to accept that it's time to say goodbye. You're so attached to this fairytale in your head, and you can't stand the thought of it being over. You're so convinced he's the one, you're even prepared to ignore your powerful female instinct.
I've coached women who were stuck in relationships for 10 years with men who weren't right for them, and I’ve coached women who stayed in bad relationships for 10 months. The result is always the same. These women always say, "If only I'd have left him before, I wouldn't be in such a mess now. If I'd have ended it sooner, I wouldn't have to pick up so many pieces."
Life brings us the people that we need, exactly when we need them. Some people are there to teach us painful lessons, and others to teach us nicer lessons. The key to love is learning when to surrender.
The minute you learn to surrender when a relationship isn't working, is the moment you free yourself forever. The moment you learn to surrender to life is the moment you open yourself up to happiness, and finding the real Prince Charming to make your fairytale come true.