Some of your friends don't know what you're worried about. The guy you're seeing is sexy, kind, loving and confident. On top of all that, he's crazy about you. However, something is bothering you. You have amazing sex. I mean, literally no man has ever made you orgasm like this man does.
So what's the problem? He has an insatiable appetite for sex. He wants it all the time, and you're struggling to keep up with his demands for passion. You're starting to wonder whether he's a sex addict. If he is, isn't there a chance he might cheat on you?
So, how do you know you're dating a secret sex addict? What giveaway signs are there? if he is an addict, is there any future for the two of you? In this post, I'll be answering some of your questions, and revealing some of the screaming red flags you're dating an addict.
Q: Are there any common symptoms that I should be looking for?
A: There are a ton of tell-tale signs of sex addiction, but some of the most common are:
- An unhealthy love of pornography (mostly enjoyed in secret).
- Many sex addicts will still masturbate even after sex.
- They're extremely confident sexually, and sometimes slightly aggressive. It's rare you'll find a sex addict who is socially awkward, or shy with women.
- He'll become secretive about his phone and maybe even sneak off for late night booty calls.
- He'll become extremely uptight and angry if you withhold sex from him when he demands it.
Q: Will a sex addict want sex from multiple partners? Is it inevitable he will cheat on me?
A: To be honest, this varies from person to person. The thing to remember is that sex addicts will feel sexually aroused by almost anyone or anything that will get them off. One guy I used to work with would sneak off swimming when his wife was working, and spend the whole time flirting with anything in a bikini.
He'd try it on with every single girl there, until he found one that would get him off. Some addicts crave sexually attraction from anywhere and everywhere, while others will stay loyal to a partner as long as they keep feeding their addiction.
Q:How can I tell the difference between him having a high sex drive, and him being a sex addict?
A: Most the time the answer will be in the way he makes love to you. Is he making an effort to pleasure you and bring you to orgasm, or is he all about getting himself off as soon as possible?
Usually, a sex addict doesn't worry too much about his partner's pleasure. He'll want to get inside you as quickly as he can, and won't worry about making the moment last. He'll want to orgasm, so he can get ready for the next round. If he just has a high sex drive, or is simply crazy passionate about you, he'll want to please you before he worries about himself.
Q: I think he's cheating. How can I be sure?
A: If his Internet history looks like it could have come right out of a 16-year-old kids bedroom, it's not a good sign. Links to websites about dogging and swinging are also not something you want to find. Another huge flashing beacon of a potential cheat is if he stops asking you for sex, even with his high sex drive. If he seems less interested in sex with you, chances are someone else is feeding his addiction.
Q: Should I just give him the sex he wants? I don't want him to leave me.
A: Nobody can make that decision other than you. It's not up to me, OR your partner how much sex you should have. Never feel pressured into giving your partner sex just to keep them faithful. That's bordering on being blackmailed or abused and isn't something you should stand for.
If he wants it four times a day, but you only want it once, tell him. If he's not prepared to stay loyal to you, he's not the kind of man you want to be with anyway. You deserve more from a relationship than being used as a sex object. Set your own limits and stick to them.
Q: My man has started wanting to act out these weird fantasies. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a porno. Is this normal?
It's quite normal for sex addicts to start wanting porn style sex. For them it's more about the conquest. There's little emotional connection, and it's not meaningful. It's just about having an orgasm. Sex addicts rarely show much affection in the bedroom. Once he's done his business he'll probably jump off and move on to whatever else he's doing.
Q: Can sex addicts have long-term relationships?
A: Some can, but normally the outlook isn't unless he gets help with his addiction. Addicts are normally in hunter mode, and looking for his next orgasm. The biggest problem with dating a sex addict is the trust issues that come up. You're going to wonder where he is and what he's doing all the time. The moment he's not home when he says he will be, you'll think he's having sex with someone else.
Q: How do you treat someone you think is an addict? When do you suggest professional help?
A: Just remember it's not your job to fix him. You're not a therapist, and you haven't dealt with these things before. Get him to a professional as soon as you can. If he doesn't want to get help, consider an ultimatum. Either he gets help or you're leaving.
He needs to want to do it for himself as well. It's not something he'll fix overnight, but with patience, love, and care, sex addicts can learn to control their desire, and focus their energy on more positive things.
To learn "How to Speak Man" so you never wonder how he's thinking and feeling again, grab your free 27 minute from my website.
More sex advice on YourTango: