Here's why the best way to fix any relationship is simply... to talk!
I got a great e-mail from Celeste today. She wrote:
Hope your day is going well. I just discovered your website lately. I've been enjoying the articles you write. I have a question about whether I should end my relationship with my boyfriend, or whether everything is fine. Everything has been going great with him, apart from one thing… He never really calls me.
I tried asking him about this a week ago. He said it’s fine if we don’t talk for just a day. He also said if he misses my call, then he misses it. I shouldn’t worry.
I don't think he intentionally avoids my phone calls, but since that talk, I can't seem to reach him. I called him every other day and no response.
It’s so strange because every other part of our relationship is fine. He’s super loving, caring, sweet, considerate and cherishing. I love being around him, and the time we spend together is wonderful. I’d say besides the calling issue, everything is perfect. I feel like a different person though when it comes down to communicating via cell phone. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.”
I think her subject line was something like, “Move On Or Chill Out?”
What do you think my answer is?
If everything else is so perfect, what are you worrying about?
If he doesn’t call you, so what?
Maybe he’s not a phone person. I’m not a phone person either. When someone calls me, I get more annoyed than excited.
I used to be someone who was really into talking on the phone. I loved the phone. Before cell phones and texting, I used to sit on the phone talking to people for two and three hours at a time. I loved it.
It made me happy to sit there and connect that way. Literally, I would lay on the sofa and flirt with women all night long. I'd plan it out, and I enjoyed every moment of it.
But as the world progressed and as things started to change, I started realizing that there are other things I can do. I can read, relax, write, be introspective and have some time to myself. So, I stopped calling people and started texting and e-mailing them.
Now, when I'm in a relationship with somebody, I rarely like to talk on the phone. In fact, I never talk to them on the phone. But it doesn't mean I'm not into somebody, it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about them, and it doesn't mean I don't want to be with them.
I know some women want their boyfriends to talk more. So when I’m in a relationship I found a compromise. I found a way to call a little bit more to keep her happy. I also kept it so I still had my space. Here’s what I suggest…
Tell him it's important just to hear his voice every other day, just to say “hi” when you're not together. To connect with him. Then see what he does. Make sure you tell him you think he's absolutely amazing in every other way. You just need a little bit more. It's important to you to.
By communicating it that way, you're telling him that everything is great, and you're not complaining about him. Watch him blossom and actually start to call you. It's all about the way you do it.
Thanks for that great e-mail. I'm sure many of you have gone through a similar situation. Hope you're having an awesome day!