Commitment Issues & Men: Are You The Problem?


Commitment Issues & Men: Are You The Problem?
Do you believe all men hate commitment? Discover why that's nothing but a myth.

"Men don't want commitment!"

I've heard this statement for years, and it typically comes from the mouth of a frustrated single woman. Now, if this notion is true, how do you explain all the guys in happily committed relationships?

Meaningless stereotypes like this drive me crazy. In all of my years of experience as a dating expert, the only women I hear talk this kind of nonsense are women that have come from bad relationships. A man has broken their heart, and now she holds some kind of grudge against the entire male population.

Well, I have news for these women. Not all men are the same. You can't say that all men don't want commitment, any more than you can assume all women are marriage-crazy. There are plenty of guys who want to commit. I have thousands of male clients desperate to find a special woman to fall in love with. They want a deep, special connection with someone, and they want to settle down. So not only is the phrase "men don't want commitment" wrong, there are tons of guys who do!

Here's what I've found in my years as a dating coach: The women who talk about guys in this way tend to have the same type of relationship over and over again. They're stuck in a routine of falling for the wrong kind of men, and end up disappointed time and time again. If you consistently choose a type of man who doesn't want to commit, well, you'll never be surprised by one who does.

Life is all about learning from our experiences. If you've had a bad relationship in the past, look at what you learned about yourself from it. Figure out what mistakes (if any) you made, and use those disappointments to get clear on what you really want from a man.

Sure, some men won't commit. When I was in my 20s I wouldn't have dreamed of settling with one woman. I was playing the field and having a great time. The thing is, years later, those experiences helped me discover what sort of woman I wanted to commit to, when I finally felt ready. So, knowing that some guys out there aren't ready — how do you avoid a guy who doesn't want to commit?

When you start dating someone, find out exactly where they are on their dating journey. Have they recently left a relationship and want to have some fun? Are they just playing the field? Or do they want to meet that special someone for life? Once you know the answer, you MUST respect whatever path this person is on. There's no point trying to change a man who tells you he won't commit. You wouldn't want him to try and question your goals, would you? Maybe he'll change in time, but forcing the issue is going to push him away.

Remember, who you date is YOUR responsibility. If you only ever go out with players, you must expect them to hurt you. If you only date quiet, passive men, you're always going to have to be the one who takes the lead.

Successful dating is all about taking responsibility. If you don't like the way your relationships end up, alter the kind of guys you date. Figure out what you want from a man and look for ones with those characteristics.

There's no use blaming the whole of mankind because you've had a bad experience in the past. It makes you look and sound bitter, and trust me ladies, that isn't attractive!

For more dating advice for women CLICK HERE to visit David's website.

More commitment advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David Wygant

Dating Coach

Are you ready to finally find love?


Location: Marina Del Rey, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by David Wygant:

The "Boyfriend Test" All Men Have To Pass!


How many times in your life have you fallen for an unavailable man? How many times have you given a man space while he sorts out his “issues?” How many times has a man told you he’s going to leave his wife because he really wants to be with you? How many times have these relationships worked out well for you? I understand the ... Read more

I Need Coffee To Live! (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves.)


Do you wake up in the morning and think right away, I need a coffee to start my day. I'm not going to be able to start my day until I have that coffee. I need coffee right now or I can't do a thing? The real question is, do you really "need" coffee, or have you programmed your mind to believe that over the years because of your language? ... Read more

3 Surprising Reasons He Might End Your Relationship


You’ve met the guy you want to settle down with. He’s everything you want in a man, and your relationship showing all the signs of going the distance. Then out of the blue, he sits you down for “the talk.” Something’s changed, and he’s not happy. In fact, he calls time on your relationship. You’re confused, ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular