How do you know whether your relationship will stand the test of time? Here are 3 signs it won't.
I was talking to a friend the other day about our dating life, and it's interesting that the older I get, the less I believe in "the magic of love."
As we were talking, I had kind of a scary thought: "Is love a lie that we've been sold our entire life?" Have we been sold an incredible ideal that doesn't actually exist?
If you think about it, in all your relationships the love part seems to wear off quickly, the reality comes fast, and it seems like most relationships don't work. So, why does it happen?
Here are 3 signs your relationship might be taking a turn for the worst:
1. We stop working on the relationship. These days, people seem to put all their energy towards their kids, work, career, workouts, hobbies, or whatever other projects they have going on. It sometimes feels like there's not enough time in the day to make romantic love work between two consenting adults.
I know, I love my kid. There's nothing there that prevents me from loving her. Even when she doesn't want to be with dad, I still love her.
The love between two consenting adults, I don't know. It's like we're chasing this thing that runs away as soon as we get close. It's like that elusive high friends that do cocaine talk about. It feels so close, like you can feel it. You reach for it, then it's gone; so, you try again. Have you ever tried to describe what love is?
I'm always talking about love. Here I am; in my life right now, I'm loving myself. And that's important for everyone. Only if you have self-love can you share love with someone else. That sounds great, but in real life something else starts to happen.
2. We quickly lose interest in the romantic side of love. Remember when you were a kid? You and your first girlfriend or boyfriend would meet at your locker every chance you got. You couldn't stop thinking about them. It was young love.
Remember when you were in college? Your first college relationship was still young love because it was under the age of 21. You'd meet up in between classes and go on corny dates to the park. Young love.
Then, you think you find "The One." You've gone through the bad dates; you're in your mid-twenties; you've graduated college. Maybe you've moved in together. But soon you realize that this relationship was a naïve type of young love. There's something happening; something's changing. Does "romantic love" really exist?
3. We've being sold a few lies about love. Oh, the fairy tale story. I'm convinced it's the reason why many incredible women don't have love in their lives. Men usually avoid this trap. Women have a story of the life they want, a story they need fulfilled.
They've been hearing and telling themselves this story since they were a little girl—the story of "The One," of the perfect man, the perfect house, and their perfect children. And these women are not willing to "settle" for anything less.
They've been taught by their parents that they deserve the best. They deserve not to settle, and of course they do. But the thing is, choosing to live the life that's in front of you is not settling. Perhaps falling for a man who is older or younger than in your story, or maybe he doesn't want children, or has a kid from a previous marriage.
Whatever these supposed "deal breakers" are, many women are missing or turning away from some chances at real love. Yes, I'm convinced real love does exist. I'm not talking about "Love" with quotes around it, the Disney fairy tale; rather, the honest to goodness, down and dirty, true love.
You need to find somebody as you get older that has done the work that you've done. They need to be open. You need to be open. They need to know their faults. You need to know yours. They need to know their insecurities and be able to put it on the table. As do you.
You need to accept you've got baggage. You'll have to accept their baggage. Hopefully your Samsonite is the same size as their Samsonite. Love is not going to work for anybody until you get rid of the illusion of love. Not everyone gets a fairytale romance.
Couples that want to live in a constant state of romantic bliss will eventually implode. That incredible, head-over-heels love feeling is not meant to last forever. It's a jumping off point and a great place to start.
But real love takes time. I've written about real love being the four seasons of love. Real love takes openness. Real love means acknowledging when you've been hurt, and acknowledging when you've hurt another person. It takes confession and requires you check your ego at the door.
So, is love a lie? Definitely not.
But you have to be willing to let go of the illusion to let it grow. If you want to know what true love means to a man, and how to understand what we really want from love, check out my dating program for women, "What Men Desire"