Recently, I've been talking a lot about how important mindset is when it comes to dating and relationships in general. See yourself in a negative light, and you make attracting the right men almost impossible.
Tell yourself you're "never going to meet Mr. Right" and you'll only ever date Mr. Wrongs. It's the way life is. What you focus on is where you go. So when I got an email from a lady telling me, "I'm 60 years old and I've already have three failed marriages," it made me think.
Why is she saying her marriages failed?
Then I realized, there are tons of you out there who probably feel like their marriages "failed," but your negative spin on what ACTUALLY happened, is not only having a negative effect on your mindset, but it's also holding you back from meeting the right men. Here are three reasons why there is no such thing as a failed marriage...
There Is No Such Thing As Failure
For me, failure is a made up term. Too many of us think in terms of outcome, instead of looking for the lessons life offers us. I don't believe we fail at anything. We just learn lessons from it.
I was married and divorced myself. I never say my marriage failed. All that happened was that two people realized they didn't make each other happy anymore. Two people stopped being able to relate on the deep levels they used to. Two people weren't able to appeal to each other's needs, wants, and desires in the long term.
There was no failure. In fact, my marriage taught me more about myself than any other relationship I've had in my life. When you think about it, the word failure is so negative. It suggests that you're not good enough in some way. It suggests that you set out to do something, but weren't able to follow through. What do you think it does to you when you carry that kind of mindset around?
It Wasn't All Bad
So many of us forget the good times we shared with our ex. Once again, it's all about focus. If you only focus on the bad times in your relationship, that's all you'll remember about it. Obviously, there was a time the two of you shared some amazing times together. There were times in your relationship where you felt a deep connection and shared a love for each other.
There were times in your marriage when you probably couldn't keep your hands off each other. So things didn't work out in the long term, but for a time, and it doesn't matter how short it was, there was something very special between you. Instead of focusing on all the negatives, think of all the good times.
Those experiences make up a big part of your life, and you can't just pretend they didn't happen. Embrace the time you had, and be thankful for the experiences you shared. The relief you'll feel when you let go of all the anger is amazing!
It Holds You Back
The third reason there is no such thing as a failed marriage, is that when you identify your marriage as a failure, you officially scar yourself. You wound yourself and become a victim. What do you think happens to you subconsciously? A victim can become defensive. A victim wants to protect themself. A victim does everything they can to avoid being a victim again.
When you go around with that mindset, you actual hold yourself back from meeting someone special. You become afraid of failure. You become outcome dependent. Remember, relationships don't have a destination. Relationships are a shared experience. How long that experience lasts is irrelevant. No experience in life is a waste, because every experience teaches us something. Every person that comes into our life teaches us something.
It's time to change your mindset and your attitude on your previous marriages, because when you do, you free your heart and mind, ready for new and beautiful opportunities.
For more advice on moving on to new love, check out my blog at www.davidwygant.com/women.
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