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How to Avoid The Fourteen Dating Traps

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How to Avoid The Fourteen Dating Traps
Here are all the dating mistakes singles make and solid strategies for finding the love of your life

A “dating trap” is an unconscious relationship choice that results in an unsolvable problem in a relationship. Getting out of the trap often means leaving the relationship.

When you're single, by practicing Conscious Dating you can do a lot more than you realize to avoid these traps and prepare for a lasting and successful relationship.

More from YourTango: Five Keys to a Radical Marriage

1. Marketing Trap

You believe that you need to make yourself more appealing to attract and ‘sell’ yourself with an attractive packaging and presentation. When you fall into the Marketing Trap, you fear that nobody wants you as you really are. By marketing’ yourself, you risk disappointment and relationship failure. So when the excitement and promise of the ‘sizzle’ conflicts with the reality of the ‘steak’, one or both of you are left feeling disappointed and angry.

Strategy:  Authenticity. You will attract compatible people when you show them who you really are: “Birds of a feather flock together.” Just be you. Don’t present a fake you.

2. Packaging Trap

You focus on outside packaging – such as someone’s body, looks, job, wealth, material possessions and overlook the reality of the person inside. The Packaging Trap is the opposite of the Marketing Trap: instead of seeking to sell yourself with attractive packaging, you focus on the packaging of others.

Strategy:  Look beyond the outside packaging to areas of real compatibility. This doesn’t mean you should forget about chemistry, but put it into perspective, understanding it is only one element of what you require in a successful relationship.

3. Scarcity Trap

You (unconsciously) believe there is a limited supply of possible partners, and therefore think that you have to take what you can get or be alone. The Scarcity Trap results in relationship failure because there is a temptation to settle for less: you believe you can’t get what you really want because there is not enough to go around. Unfortunately it is a self-fulfilling prophecy because when you expect less, you get less. As well, you will always be on the lookout for someone ‘better’- just in case.

Strategy: Define your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life. You must be able to say “No” to what you DON’T want to be available to say “Yes” to what you DO want. You have the power to choose who, what, where, when, and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your Vision and Requirements.

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4. Compatibility Trap

Assuming that if you have fun together and get along well, you are compatible and a committed relationship will work. This results in relationship failure when discovering the vast difference between a fun-focused, recreational dating relationship and a serious, long-term committed relationship. The process and criteria for choosing a recreational relationship needs to be very different from choosing a Life Partner.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David Steele

Author

David Steele, MA, LMFT
Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
http://www.milliondollarpractice.net
http://www.therapisttocoach.com
http://www.consciousdating.com
http://www.coupleforlife.com

888-268-4074
 

Location: Campbell, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by David Steele:

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