The Key To Finding Lasting Love


The Key To Finding Lasting Love
Discover how your thoughts and feelings are your keys to living happily ever after.

When singles become couples, each partner has different hopes and dreams, wants and needs, attitudes and experiences. These differences too often result in relationship failure and disappointment when one or both partners attempt to mold the relationship and their partner to fit what they want, rather than accepting and embracing what is. While we must have a vision and requirements and choose a partner and relationship aligned with what we want, we can't be so rigid that we reject reality.

How do we let go of needing perfection without settling for less than what we really want? One strategy I recommend for Conscious Dating is to "experience your experience."


Your "experience" is what happens inside of you. It happens automatically. It's the thoughts that pop into your head, the sensations you have in your body; what you see, hear, feel, touch and taste. It's what you are feeling emotionally.

Your experience just happens. You go to a movie and you love the movie and you feel tingly and warm, that is your experience of the movie; you have a positive experience of it. You go to a movie and it scares you, turns you off, you hate it and it repulses you; you have a negative experience of the movie.

Your experience is involuntary. It just happens and it always happens in the now, so you must be present in the now to experience your experience; you can't be in the past, thinking about what was, and you can't be in the future, thinking about what will be.

Relationships only happen in the present. Connection can only happen in the present. To be in touch with what is real for us and to have a fulfilling relationship we must be able to experience our experience.

So "experience your experience" means to be present, be in the now, experiencing what is going on for you right now, and what's real for you right now, instead of your fantasies about what will be and your associations about what was in the past.

Experiencing your experience is important because too often we bring our past baggage into a relationship; we don't see the person and the relationship for what it is, we are too busy coloring it with the past, or we are absorbed in fantasy about the future, about what it might be and could be and will be.


Your experience is what's real for you, and you get to decide what it means. If you went to a movie and it repulsed you, then you might make up a story, an interpretation of your experience, that the movie was horrible, it was the worst movie ever made. That's because of your experience.

Your experience results in your stories or your interpretations and meanings, and then what you might do is tell everybody you know, "That was the worst movie. Don't see it." So your stories, which come from your experience, then result in your actions or what you say and do.


Article contributed by

David Steele


David Steele, MA, LMFT
Founder, Relationship Coaching Institute


Location: Campbell, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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