Do You Know Your Relationship's Love Pulse?

struggling couple

A simple, yet powerful communication tools that will help save your marriage.

Did you know your marriage has a relationship love pulse? Well it does.

Did you know that knowing how to take your relationship love pulse may be the most powerful tool at your disposal for saving your marriage from a heart breaking and costly divorce? Well it is. Here's what you need to know:

Your relationship love pulse represents how you see and feel the depth and quality of your relationship. It shows your ability to experience a deep sense of connection and profound emotional intimacy together as a couple.

It can also show you when you're hurt and when your relationship is starting to fall apart at its seams.

Your physical body's normal resting heart rate is about 60 to 100 beats per minute. On a scale of 1 to 100, a pulse rate of 70-80 beats per minute is very healthy throughout your day. A pulse in the 60s is low but still healthy.

Having 50 beats per minute and below can signify serious medical health risks. Emotionally, it can mean your marriage is at risk. The last thing you want is to be a candidate for marriage CPR!

Your relationship love pulse works emotionally very much like your physical pulse rate does physically. But here you're assessing how you feel about your relationship, not actually taking your physical pulse.

A 100 is high but still in the healthy range. It's ok and even desirable to have a marital love pulse of 100+ beats per minute during times of excitement, celebration and adventure together; not to mention during your weekly date night (although date night also has to be free of any stress or distractions).

In times of normal stress and life challenges, your relationship love pulse can also drop down to 50 or 60 BPM for short periods of time. That's totally normal as long as it comes and stays back up.

Most of the time, 70 to 80 is a great target relationship love pulse for your marriage.

Your critical questions here as a couple become:

1. How would you rate the basic emotional quality of your marriage right at this moment?

2. Do you feel deeply in love and basically happy most of the time?

3. Do you feel deeply frustrated, hurt and angry way to often?

4. What are the top 1 tp 3 reasons for your current relationship love pulse?

Couples like Liam and Ava (the one marriage I thought couldn't be saved) often report having a love pulse of five or ten out of 100 (the marriage CPR range) when they first come to counseling. It was that low even when they first approach me for help developing their divorce prevention action plan via online chat (see link at the end of the post to start working with me online).

After a few weeks, couples who were in serious emotional trouble usually (often to their complete surprise) start to report a steady relationship love pulse of 50 to 60 beats per minute.

Improvements often start as a couple begins to build and live together in their powerful, marriage saving "Hurt Free Zone."

This usually happens after a few weeks or even just a few days. It may sound silly to you at first, but their is value in knowing and even writing down your relationship's love pulse number. It allows you to see and communicate gradual, immediate improvements or dangerous drop-offs that you might not think about or share with your partner otherwise.

Regularly taking your relationship love pulse is also a powerful couple's communication tool that allows you to simply and effectively communicate your feelings during difficult times.

Perhaps most importantly, your relationship love pulse enables you to quickly identify root causes of a drop in love pulse. Then you both can come up with a quick action-plan to bring your love pulse back up into the healthy-couplehood range.

As you begin to repair the hurt and re-expand your emotional intimacy, your relationship love pulse will show you what kind of behavior and communication changes are working best for you as a couple. You can then build more of those positive patterns into the day to day life of your marriage.

Your current love pulse is also a great way to give your partner real-time positive feedback on how they’re meeting the goals on your relationship wish list (step 3 in: The Ultimate 8 Step Guide to Saving Your Marriage).

I want the very best for you, your partner and your family. I'd love to chat with you online. I'll answer your relationship questions and help you develop a quick start divorce prevention plan so you can start saving your marriage right away. 


Explore YourTango