Are Your Friends Ruining Your Love Life?

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Are Your Friends Ruining Your Love Life?
Your best girlfriend might be your worst asset.

I know what you're probably thinking. You're probably thinking that the girlfriend I'm about to warn you about is someone who violates a boundary and ends up having an affair with your man — whether it's planned or not. Actually, that's not what I'm talking about here at all. That's actually one of the oldest stories in the book. In fact, it's so common it's hardly even surprising any more. No, the girlfriend I want to warn you about is not the cheating, backstabbing kind — she's actually your closest girlfriend who usually watches your back. Confused? Let me explain...

Be Very Careful Where You Get Relationship Advice

 

The way your best girlfriend will ruin your relationship is by giving you some well-intended, but just flat-out wrong advice. I'm always a little taken back when my clients mention advice from a well-meaning girlfriend and it turns out to be totally wrong. They'll either tell them to keep hanging on when they shouldn't, or bad mouth a good man who deserves better. Then, just out of curiosity, I ask about the relationship status of the girlfriend who gave the advice. More often than not, they're not even in a relationship, or when they are, it's usually short-lived. On those rare instances when the advice-giver is in a relationship, I ask my clients if their relationship is one they'd aspire to have... and the answer is usually an awkward silence.

Are They Trying To Sabotage You?

Here’s the thing: these women usually are good, kind, and compassionate souls who really do mean well. In fact, they're simply doing their jobs, so you need to be aware of that. The problem is — they have a slight conflict of interest. Your girlfriend's job is to love you, support you, and watch your back. She's supposed to nurture you and be loyal to the sisterhood and you, her friend. The problem comes when this kind-hearted, well-intentioned bestie doesn't understand men any better than you do. She's got a natural limitation, and her limitation is that she only knows what she knows. If I had a dollar for every woman who tried to read a man's mind or project what he might be thinking — while she's thinking like a woman — I'd be retired and writing this from a sandy beach somewhere. The simple and inescapable truth is that men and women navigate the world totally differently. Men don't think like women, and vice versa. Thank God. If we did, we wouldn't complement one another so well.

Little Miss-Information

Every day, all over the world, women catch up to connect with one another, and have long, intimate conversations about the state of their relationships, and much of what they discuss about men is simply incorrect. You can overhear it in coffee shops, over lunch tables, or anywhere else ladies gather. Between Disney fairy tales, chick flick love stories, and romance novels that are found in the fiction section for a reason... there's a lot of misinformation and just plain nonsense out there.

The Lesson

Let me be clear. This is not meant as an attack on your girlfriends in any way. In fact, I celebrate the role of the sisterhood, and there's nothing more beautiful and sacred in this world than the feminine desire to nurture. It's merely a suggestion to be mindful of the unintended consequences of an action that seems perfectly reasonable, feels good, and has been reinforced by a lifetime of repetition. The point is this: if you want to create something you've never had, find a model, a mentor, or an expert in that area who can help you achieve what you want.

Model, Mentor, or Expert?

A model is someone who has done or achieved what you want to create. Sometimes they're friends you can dialogue with; sometimes it may just be a famous person, or even a fictional character who has the traits, abilities or achievements to which you aspire. You can also find a mentor who can lead the way, shorten your learning curve, and oftentimes, help you prevent the very mistakes they, themselves, made along the way. Obviously, this requires a one-on-one relationship and a commitment on the part of both parties. The other option which is even better still is finding an expert who has a proven track record for getting the result you want for multiple people.

The Best Option

If you're blessed enough to have access to a model, a mentor, and an expert, the very best option would have to be a combination of all three. As a Relationship Coach with a proven track record of success with clients all over the world — and a man who very consistently walks his talk in a beautiful relationship with an amazing woman — I'd be honored to help you get past the self-sabotage, lack of awareness, or whatever else might be preventing you from having all the love you deserve right now. I'm certainly not holding myself out here as perfect, or your only path to achieving what you want. I make mistakes and screw up, too. In fact, that's how I started doing this work in the first place. After my divorce more than 15 years ago, I needed to learn a better way, so that's why I started learning from the best of the best in this field of relationship mastery. I committed to doing the work to learn from my mistakes and the bonus that came with that simple decision is that now I get to help lead the way for so may other amazing people from all over the globe. 



So if you’re feeling frustrated, or not getting the results you want in your relationships, I invite you to reach out and set up a time to connect. Lucky for you, I can not only give you the support you need, but I can also give you the wisdom, skills and awareness to get unstuck and create the Legendary Love For Life that you deserve.

More Advice on Relationships from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dave Elliott

Dating Coach

Dave Elliott is a Relationship Expert and Coach who works with clients all over the world. If you're serious about attracting, creating or maintaining the fulfilling relationship of your dreams, contact Dave for a free consultation or check out his work online. He is the founder of Legendary Love For Life and the creator of The ManMagnetics Formula.™

Location: Baltimore, MD
Credentials: EFT
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