As a relationship coach, it's definitely not my job to publicly weigh in on celebrity disputes when I don't even know the people involved. It is my job, however, to look for "teachable moments" and try to provide value to people that will help create more conscious, loving and productive relationships. The situation between NFL superstar Mario Williams and his ex is one of those moments. (Also bear in mind, this is a relationship forum. I am not qualified, nor interested, in giving legal advice here.)
The Story Behind The Headlines
Mario Williams of the Buffalo Bills, is a former number one draft pick and one of the highest-paid defensive players in the NFL. His former fiancée has refused his repeated requests to return a $785,000 diamond engagement ring after their breakup; resulting in the court case, claiming instead that he made it "abundantly clear in writing" that he wanted her to have it. Which is a curious argument considering the fact that his lawsuit is also, "abundantly clear in writing." As part of the proceedings, her attorney has released private texts between both parties that are potentially very damaging to Williams and his career.
Making The Break
Let's put aside the legal implications of ring possession for a moment. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing is more important when looking for a potential soulmate than to find someone of great character — and it is never too soon to begin exhibiting great character. In fact, a situation like this might be the greatest time of all. This is a time to begin to transition from thoughts of the past to thoughts of the future. Any time a couple splits up due to irreconcilable differences, it's not necessarily pleasant, but it can always be positive. Frankly, sometimes it's also absolutely for the highest and best good of both parties long-term. The number one question to focus on is getting the lesson — and I don't just mean "he's a jerk" or "she's a witch." That's not a lesson at all. That's a character assassination that protects your ability to feel "right" or justified. Plus, it greatly increases the odds that you'll miss what you needed to learn and be right back in this place again ... only with someone else next time. So I would suggest there's an even better question to ask in order to move forward and begin the process of healing.
Who Do I Want To Be Here?
There's probably nothing in life that can create as much pain, or as much growth as your intimate relationships. And a great deal of the difficulty in relationships happens when people value "things" more than "people." This case is a perfect example of that concept. It's clear that these two people are no longer on the same page in regard to what they want or need. I would suggest that there is a far bigger and better question to be asked here that will serve both parties well and bring out their very best instead of their worst. That simple question is: "Who am I committed to being here?" In other words, if you could change time and perspective, and look back on this situation a year later, or a decade later, could you feel satisfied when you ask the question, "Am I proud of how I showed up there?" If your answer is an emphatic and resounding "yes" then that's the empowering choice. If not, there may be some additional lessons in your future and beware — those tend to get progressively uglier. Keep reading...
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