ProConnect

Battle Of The Exes: Do You Keep The Ring Or Give It Back?

By

Divorce: Do You Keep The Ring Or Give It Back?
A diamond is a girl's best friend — but what about the one who put it on her finger?
NFL star Mario Williams and his former fiancée are battling over a $785k sparkler.

As a relationship coach, it's definitely not my job to publicly weigh in on celebrity disputes when I don't even know the people involved. It is my job, however, to look for "teachable moments" and try to provide value to people that will help create more conscious, loving and productive relationships. The situation between NFL superstar Mario Williams and his ex is one of those moments. (Also bear in mind, this is a relationship forum. I am not qualified, nor interested, in giving legal advice here.)

The Story Behind The Headlines

Mario Williams of the Buffalo Bills, is a former number one draft pick and one of the highest-paid defensive players in the NFL. His former fiancée has refused his repeated requests to return a $785,000 diamond engagement ring after their breakup; resulting in the court case, claiming instead that he made it "abundantly clear in writing" that he wanted her to have it. Which is a curious argument considering the fact that his lawsuit is also, "abundantly clear in writing." As part of the proceedings, her attorney has released private texts between both parties that are potentially very damaging to Williams and his career.

Making The Break

Let's put aside the legal implications of ring possession for a moment. Nothing, and I repeat, nothing is more important when looking for a potential soulmate than to find someone of great character — and it is never too soon to begin exhibiting great character. In fact, a situation like this might be the greatest time of all. This is a time to begin to transition from thoughts of the past to thoughts of the future. Any time a couple splits up due to irreconcilable differences, it's not necessarily pleasant, but it can always be positive. Frankly, sometimes it's also absolutely for the highest and best good of both parties long-term. The number one question to focus on is getting the lesson — and I don't just mean "he's a jerk" or "she's a witch." That's not a lesson at all. That's a character assassination that protects your ability to feel "right" or justified. Plus, it greatly increases the odds that you'll miss what you needed to learn and be right back in this place again ... only with someone else next time. So I would suggest there's an even better question to ask in order to move forward and begin the process of healing.

Who Do I Want To Be Here?

There's probably nothing in life that can create as much pain, or as much growth as your intimate relationships. And a great deal of the difficulty in relationships happens when people value "things" more than "people." This case is a perfect example of that concept. It's clear that these two people are no longer on the same page in regard to what they want or need. I would suggest that there is a far bigger and better question to be asked here that will serve both parties well and bring out their very best instead of their worst. That simple question is: "Who am I committed to being here?" In other words, if you could change time and perspective, and look back on this situation a year later, or a decade later, could you feel satisfied when you ask the question, "Am I proud of how I showed up there?" If your answer is an emphatic and resounding "yes" then that's the empowering choice. If not, there may be some additional lessons in your future and beware — those tend to get progressively uglier. Keep reading...

More breakup advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dave Elliott

Dating Coach

Dave Elliott is a Relationship Expert and Coach who works with clients all over the world. If you're serious about attracting, creating or maintaining the fulfilling relationship of your dreams, contact Dave for a free consultation or check out his work online. He is the founder of Legendary Love For Life and the creator of The ManMagnetics Formula.™

Location: Baltimore, MD
Credentials: EFT
Other Articles/News by Dave Elliott:

Why Men Should Pay On A Date & How To Make It His Idea

By

Recently, the advertising agency, Leo Burnett, conducted an exhaustive study on the state of relationships today and one of the items caught my eye. According to the study, only 68 percent of men treat on the first date. Now before I explain exactly why this is a problem—and how we can shift that dynamic for the benefit of both parties—I want to ... Read more

Are your love handles ruining your love life?

By

I got a question from a woman today who wanted to know what men think about during intimacy. Specifically, she wanted to know if men “think about the love handles or the Jelly belly or all the other imperfections that are just staring at (them)?” Of course, we can assume this question applies to any other perceived “imperfection” which ... Read more

5 Tips To Make Yourself 'Sociopath-Proof' When Dating

By

If you are out there in the dating pool these days, there is tremendous opportunity—and make no mistake, there's also an element of danger. When the Chinese combine these two words in symbol form, they create the word "crisis." It is not my intent to scare you off of dating, but it is my intent to give you the tools you must have in order to ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS