Turning our women into a world of lesbians.
A female reader bombed my inbox with all her complaints of meeting men online (and off) and ended her rant with this;
“Maybe I’ll just turn into a lesbian.”
Hmm. This got me thinking, are our pathetic, gross, immature actions towards women creating a world of lesbians?
I mean, we laugh, but is there any science to all this? Let me count the ways to send a woman straight to the arms (and bed) of your (or her) best friend:
We leave toilet seats up as we proudly pee all over the floor
We fart and hold women hostage under the sheets
As kids, we treated hygiene like it was the plague
We sext women we barely know
We moon women we don’t know
We hold jobs like we can hold a fart – not long
Most of us men over 40 have beer guts and lamp shade bodies
We road rage it at traffic stops with our families in tow
We love to borrow their money
We hate all their shoes
We forget anniversaries as if was on purpose
Birthdays? I know mine!
I went months without doing laundry, turning my underwear inside out, until I could put it off no more
Sheets? Whistle and mine will come!
We say “I love you” as often as, well, we can’t even say it
We want to be with our friends more than our women
We want to be in Vegas without our women
We watch porn to replace women
A divorce lawyer representing only men? I love you
Men will cuddle with their dogs but a woman on a Sunday morning?
Addictions are to be worn like a badge
Animal House is still our favorite movie, replaced today by The Hangover
Our maturity level hovers around 5th grade even as our heads go bald
Hell, in elementary school at recess I remember wiping a huge booger on Cynthia Hatch’s face and laughing as I ran off to brag to my friends. Is Cynthia Hatch a lesbian today?
My list could go on forever. In fact, go ahead and vent your anger and add to it!
Our actions start as kids and some are reinforced as we get older. It’s like we have contempt for all women who want us to commit and we are trying our best to rebel. It’s a secret code between all men.
Could this be true? I mean, we even love the thought of two lesbians together, are we pushing women to that? As men, it seems we can only show women what they want to see - chivalry, emotions, motivation, snuggling etc. - for brief periods of time before our true colors come out again. Guys contact me all the time wondering why they cheated on their girl for the fifth time and saying things like, “The devil made me do it” or “I was drunk, we were in Vegas and she was there.”
We have a good laugh together because of “the male code” and then try to figure the situation out. But why did we laugh together? That’s not right. Is this laughter the contempt I speak about?
I leave you with this question to ponder, if we keep acting this way, will the world be full of lesbians in the year 2040?