5 Reasons You Should Spill Your Secrets To Your Guy

If you've been around sex addiction meetings long enough, you've no doubt heard people talking about "disclosure." While there are many different ways to go through the disclosure process, I thought I'd spend a few minutes discussing what disclosure is all about and why you might consider going through it.

First, what is disclosure?  There are two different types of disclosure: spontaneous and formal disclosures. Spontaneous disclosures are those disclosures of information that are offered up, particularly after a spouse or significant other finds some evidence of their partner's sexual behaviors. These disclosures are raw confessions that are done without therapeutic or professional guidance. 

More from YourTango: What's the deal with sex addiction groups?

Spontaneous disclosures are typcially done in the spur of the moment, when caught by a partner. Frequenetly unplanned, they often involve the individual giving either too much detail or withholding important details.  Spontaneous disclosures of sexual behavior are often motivated by fear, remorse or relational anxiety, and can be very painful and even traumatizing to the partner, the relationship and the individual giving the disclosure. 

A formal disclosure is a professionally guided process, where an individual works with a therapist to prepare a document that lists his or her history of sexual behaviors. This process is done in conjunction with the addict's partner to determine what information he/she wants to know and what he/she does not want to know. The addict then shares this disclosure in a professionally guided disclosure session with rules and parameters that both the addict and the partner are prepared for in advance.

I can’t emphasize enough how important the formal disclosure process is. It is common for addicts to err on one side or the other: sharing too many explicit details that can be traumatizing and trigger the partner, or as typically the case, withhold some painful details. Because addictive behavior is conducted in secrecy, it is common for addicts to want to withhold certain pieces of information they feel would be too painful for their partner. Yet, if a partner believes he/she has heard all of the details and discovers additional information later (which does happen), they become further traumatized.  3 Steps To Overcome Sex Addiction

More from YourTango: 7 Signs You Masturbate Too Much

Additionally, trust is further eroded.  The formal disclosure process helps provide a level of safety to both the addict and the partner. Having briefly described spontaneous vs. formal disclosures, here are a few reasons why the disclosure process can be so important for men and women healing from sex addiction: 

More couples advice from YourTango:

• Survey Reveals The Real Reason Couples Get Divorced
• 22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity
• What Happy Couples Have In Common [VIDEO]